Dammit, Bros: We Missed Our Chance To See Gwyneth Paltrow Give A BJ While Naked In A Movie
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Sometimes life is a series of “what ifs?” Like, what if I would have had a cheeseburger for dinner last night and not pizza. Or what if I gave a shit in high school and went to an elitist Ivy League school? Would I be writing for a stuffy publisher like The Atlantic or The New Republic instead of BroBible? Would my desk be full of Pulitzers instead of an empty scotch bottle and a collection of Penn State football ticket stubs?
Probably not. But WHAT IF Heather Graham’s character in Boogie Nights was played by Gwyneth Paltrow? What if Paltrow was the porn industry roller girl in Boogie Nights instead of Heather Graham? You know, the character famed for one the hottest movie scene in the late ’90s (Besides Denise Richards in Wild Things). That’s a mental spank bank gamechanger.
Gwyneth Paltrow was offered the role in Boogie Nights that Heather Graham eventually took. Today on Howard Stern, she explained why:
My grandfather, I was very, very close to him. And he was, you know, pretty conservative — and I just thought, I can’t be totally naked, and like, giving a BJ on screen. Like, I’ll kill my grandfather! So, yeah, I didn’t do it.
Well. OK. I guess we can respect that. Standards are a good thing in live, I suppose. Now the closest we’ll ever get to anything like that is her making out with that sex addict Mark Ruffalo in lingerie in Thanks for Sharing.
Well, I guess one can imagine: