Miley Cyrus Wants Everyone To See This Instagram Of Her Masturbating With Her Hand Down Her Pants For Some Reason

by 4 years ago
Via Instagram

It doesn’t happen often, but when I’m wrong I do my best to suck up my pride and admit that I’ve fucked up.

Guys…I’ve fucked up.

It feels just like it was yesterday (Tuesday, to be exact) that I was writing about how much I like Miley Cyrus and her “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. The Instagram photoshops! Her stupid MTV Robin Thicke debacle thing! Her haircut! So edgy. So so so “suck my dick I don’t care.”

But I was wrong. Er, maybe I was right and now I’ve BECOME wrong, because Miley just crossed into the try-hard area.

That’s an Instagram photo with Miley’s hand down her pants, captioned “a masturbate a day keeps the haters away.” Okay for starters, “masturbate” is a verb not a fucking noun, lady. Second of all, why? Why? I get the photoshops, the nipple photos, wearing tinsel wigs just because “why the fuck not,” but this is just dumb. Granted, everything else is dumb too but that’s all okay because at least it’s amusing to watch. Posting Instagrams about jerking off? Still dumb, but not amusing. Just dumb-dumb. It’s not authentic or heartfelt; it didn’t come from her soul. It just came from…whatever. It’s uninspiring.

…yeah so I just read what I wrote and now realize that I legit need to stop giving a shit about Miley Cyrus. Like instead of reading about her I could pick up a hobby and learn how to…I dunno, craft antique model cars or something. I invite you all to do so with me (stop reading about Cyrus, not make cars…I don’t actually wanna do that). And do NOT start bitching about “Oh I NEVER cared about Miley Cyrus, ever! EVAR!” because if you didn’t, then you both wouldn’t have clicked this and wouldn’t have started bitching. Just be honest with yourselves, it’s okay. We’ll get through this together.

[Images via Instagram]

TAGSMasturbatingMiley Cyrus