Here’s Our Official Election Day Results Drinking Game
One sip during the following:
- “The American People”
- “Exit polls”
- “Provisional ballots”
- “Electronic voting”
- “Red State”
- “Blue State”
- When someone mentions doing the math on the Electoral College for Obama/Romney to win.
- John King plays with his video board.
- Anyone cites a Tweet or Twitter.
- When Governor Chris Christie's boy crush on President Obama is mentioned.
- When anyone says “hotly contested” in reference to a state, county, gubernatorial, or senate race.
One gulp during the following:
- “Ohio Secretary of State”
- “Voting machine issues”
- “Florida Governor Rick Scott”
- The obligatory aerial news shot of voters waiting in a long, snaking line that's “around the block.”
- During the obligatory county-by-county district breakdowns of Florida, Ohio, Virginia, Iowa, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania.
- Jay-Z, Bruce Springsteen, any other celebrity endorsement of Obama is mentioned.
- Chris Matthews screams about Romney.
- Keith Olberman acts like a jackass.
- Someone on Fox News talks over Juan Williams.
Two swigs of your drink:
- When a pundit questions the veracity of exit polling.
- If you voted for Obama, when Texas is called.
- If you voted for Romney, when New York is called.
- Trump is mentioned by anyone, giving legitimacy to a troll.
- When it's announced who has gained the Senate majority.
- Glenn Beck comes close to crying.
Finish your drink
- When someone mentions Hillary Clinton running for President in 2016.
- When someone mentions Paul Ryan running for President in 2016.
- When Fox News tries to take itself seriously by bringing Sarah Palin.
- When a pundit questions the relevance of the Electoral College in 2012.
- Anyone around you says “I'm moving to Canada!” not entirely in jest when the other guy wins.
- If you voted for Obama and he wins.
Finish your Caffeine Free Pepsi
- If you voted for Romney and he wins.
- If you voted for Obama and he wins and he mentions “legalizing it” in his victory speech.
Take a shot:
- When someone on the losing side mentions possible voter fraud or suggests a recount in a hotly contested state.
- A network prematurely calls the election.
- James Carville pulls his left ear on CNN, thus signaling Obama has won the election.
- James Carville pulls his right ear on CNN, thus signaling Romney has won the election.
- If someone mentions Herman Cain running again in 2016.
- If someone in your party is shitfaced, sees Herman Cain, asks where the closest Godfather's Pizza is.
- If Meatloaf's endorsement of Mitt Romney is mentioned.
Wine enema butt chug if*:
- If the election ends in a tie.
- Chris Christie is seen eating ballots for Romney.
- Romney wins and joins Kid Rock for a celebatory performance of “Bawitdba.”
- Obama wins and raps “99 Problems” with Jay-Z.
*Disclaimer: Obviously DO NOT wine enema butt chug, you idiot.