Bros, Help Us Settle An Argument: Is Pauly D’s New Girlfriend Aubrey O’Day A Bombshell Or Nah?
Huddle up, bros. I need your help.
So I was scrolling on the inter webs today and I saw a headline informing me that the Jersey Shore’s Pauly D has a new girlfriend: singer/song writer Aubrey O’ Day. “Hm” I thought. Pauly D was the only character on the show I had a shred of respect for and I like looking at pictures of potentially attractive women so *click.*
26 minutes later, I found myself balls deep in week 54 of Aubrey O’Day’s Instrgram photos. Any further back, I may as well have been rummaging through her panty drawer. You call it ‘creepin,’ I call it ‘due diligence.’
I think we can all agree that Aubrey perfectly pulls off that manufactured hot look. Sure, she kind of looks like she was made in a factory and her arms and legs may or may not screw on and off, but she’s a head turner, through and through. And at the end of the day, I’m happy that my boy Pauly is giving her the D.
Now do you have a better idea of why I was creeping on her pics dating back to pre-Obama administration? Yes, yes you do.
A chick like Aubrey demands a blog post. So I confidently throw the link to Aubrey’s Instagram in BroBible’s editorial chatroom, and was not prepared for the ambush that followed from Rebecca Martinson.
I was hit with an onslaught of texts berating my boy Pauly’s new girlfriend by the 23-year-old ‘deranged sorority girl’ who isn’t even off her parents’ health insurance. Rebecca said mean-spirited things like “LOL. Aubrey is a cow” and went as far as to give me a headline suggestion for my post: “Is This A Photo Of A Washed-Up Popstar Or A Cow In A Human Suit? You Decide.” Which I begrudgingly admitted was kind of funny. But incorrect.
And then Rebecca informed me that she sucks all the fat out of her Instagram photos via photoshop. She wasted no time in sending me these photos:
Via Famous Plastic:
Ok, so do I feel a little misled? Sure.
But effectively, nothing has changed. Ya, she’s a tad bit heavier in real life, but this doesn’t change the fact that you’d have to think about your dad’s pubic hair to last longer than a minute in bed with her. By your standards and mine, she’s primo.
But I shouldn’t have been so surprised by Rebecca’s blurred judgement. Sometimes I let her take control of my Tinder and she swipes right on some jungle creatures. One girl had a unibrow and three eyes and Rebecca was like “Cute blouse!” *Right Swipe.*
…I’ve currently been talking to that chick trying to swindle a date. Times are tough.
Regardless, whose squad are you on, bros: Mine: the bro with his own health insurance and former JV football captain as a senior or Rebecca: the chick who thinks ISIS is a new fro-yo place in Manhattan?