Persistence Pays Off In Today’s Ask a Babe Questions

by 8 years ago

Q. I've been hooking up with this girl for a few weeks now and the sex has been pretty wild. The only problem is that after doggie style, when I remove myself from her vag*na, she uncontrollable queefs lasting anywhere from 5 to 15 seconds. For starters can you explain this phenomenon? It has baffled me for years.

I can tell she is really self-conscious/embarrassed by her vag*na's musical talents and I would like to put her at ease. But most importantly, it is becoming increasingly difficult to get her into the doggie positon, which is my personal favorite. Do you have any suggestions on how to stop her vag*na from carrying on in this manner? At the very least, how do I convince her that it's not a big deal?

And then a day later….

Q. seriously… how could you not answer my question about my girl queefing. It's a legitimate concern. I'm sure you'd get a good laugh out of answering it and win back some of the “Bros” on the site.

A. First, I was on vacation when you sent this. Girl’s gotta get a tan and your inability to smoothly convince your lady friend that her bodily noises are NBD to you does not qualify as enough of an emergency to tear me away from the sand and surf. So, SETTLE. YOURSELF. DOWN. As for “winning back” Bros, let's take a gander at the “Top Writers” section here on this page. GO ahead, look. I believe what you will see is That’s What She Said. Which is me. Not you. I don’t see your name listed anywhere. So until such time as I do, we’ll leave the decisions about content to the people whose names DO in fact reside on that list.

As for your problem with the musical vag*na, tell her it has nothing to do with her, that it’s normal because you have a monster cock and she isn’t all broken in and loose. So when she turns over, the air that’s in there from you giving it to her from behind is getting squeezed out, because she’s all tight. I have no idea if this is medically accurate and certainly should not be assumed to be so. I’ve done no research on this topic, but it seems like something that would pass as an acceptable answer.  Girls are only embarrassed about that stuff because we think you guys care and probably laugh about it with your friends. If you can be honest that that’s not the case, she’ll feel more relaxed about it.

Q. I have an ex-fiancee that I was with 18 years ago. For a good long time she was flirting with me hard and heavy then all of a sudden stopped and said she was taking it too far. I have never stopped loving her even after she gave my rings back to me. She has never left my heart nor my thoughts. She is married and she says she is happily married. I guess my question is if she was that happily married why did she do it? And another, should I try to find a way to pursue her?

A. So obviously you didn’t read my original rules regarding questions about marriage. Which are: They won’t be answered. Not now. Not soon. Not ever. Which is why this question was ignored, and shuffled into the “absurd questions” folder.


Q. I have an ex fiancée that I am still madly in love with. Recently she began flirting with me sending me all kinds of pictures and stuff then all of a sudden just broke it off saying she was taking it to far. My question is do you think I should pursue her even though she is married and claims to be happily?

A. You may have changed the details, my friend, but I can see through you. You are STILL wondering what to do about this. Which, O.K., I have to say is shocking because she is STILL MARRIED. And what you all had ended 18 years ago. And she has probably popped out some kids by now. You don’t still want to hit that. You don’t. She broke off the flirting abruptly probably because it somehow got her husband to pay attention to her again or it validated her. She used you, to feel better about herself.

Listen to HOV, my friend, On To The Next One. Take it to heart.

TAGSask a babeRelationship advice