10 unnecessary things that every QB does

by 8 years ago  •  19 Comments

Erik Daniel Drost, Flickr


Quarterbacks get all the cash money, babes and glory. But while a lot of them dominate on the field, they have more than their fair share of idiotic tendencies. Think about it. Half the time these guys look like complete spazzes. Here are 10 stupid things that quarterbacks do.

Photo credit: Erik Daniel Drost, Flickr

10 Point out the Middle Linebacker
The best part of this inane gesture is that I think half of the QBs don’t even know why they are doing it. I remember when Rex Grossman was a Bear he would do it with a puzzled look on his face. Of course, that was his look most of the time, but point is made. Next.

9 Bring Famous Hot Chicks to their Games
Look, your whole team and your whole city is depending on you to win the game. Do you really need any added pressure? Great, now you’ll be even more tense because you want to play well for some hottie that you won’t even be dating in a month, and we get 24 cutaway shots per half showing them looking utterly bored. Tell them to watch it on TV.

8 Quiet the Crowd
This is especially true for those genius signal callers that do it on the road. But it doesn’t matter where you are playing, waving your hands up and down isn’t going to make 50,000 nutty fans pipe down. You’re the QB. If you hurled breakfast through your helmet they would cheer. Instead of waving those arms around, spend another two seconds reading that defense, mm-kay?

7 Anything Peyton Manning Does On the Field
How many times have you watched Manning go through his pre-play shtick at the line and you just wanted to rip his helmet off and slap him silly for about five minutes. Yeah, it works, but it’s aggravating and unnecessary. Half the league and most announcers think he’s just acting out there and not even changing the calls. Ten bucks says as he gets older it will land him on the injury report. And we’ll all laugh.

6 Anything Ben Roethlisberger Does Off the Field
Crashing motorcycles, getting overly wasted, peeing wherever he sees fit and other possible illegal transgressions make Roethlisberger the current most despised player in the NFL. Even the Steelers fan are sick of him and his troubles. How is he not on the Raiders?

5 Berate the Officials
That last call didn’t go your way so what did you do? You went all ape and argued about it. But show up the ref on national TV, maybe cuss at him and make a scene — guess what? You’re not getting any calls for the rest of the game either. Don’t be dumb.

4 Audible Into a Worse Play
Not reserved for just the Madden dorks out there, your fave QB does it too. Your dumb QB is calling an audible to a draw play when the safety is creeping into the box. Meanwhile offensive coordinators scream Rex Ryan-like profanities from their booth, which probably smells like unbrushed teeth and fart. Unless you’re Tom Brady or something it’s probably best to go with the OC’s call.

3 Waste Timeouts
So let’s get this straight — you just audibled into a run play with eight in the box but because you saw a linebacker pump his hand up and down a few times you thought it was best to go talk it over with the coaching staff? How did you get the starter’s job anyway?

2 Get Photographed While Wasted in Public
Eli Manning, Big Ben, Jay Cutler and Kyle Orton are just a few of the QBs that have been all over the Internet looking completely wasted. If you can’t handle your booze, take some of your millions and get an actual working member for your entourage — someone that is smart enough to say no to you and big enough to haul your drunk rear end into a car.

1 Nod While Talking to the OC — On the Phone
It’s not Skype, bro. You actually have to talk to the guy to let him know what you’re thinking — he can’t see you. And what you’re thinking is probably that you’re going long again next series, even though you’ve thrown three picks already. Enjoy it while it lasts, because you’ll soon be the Mayor of Clipboard City.


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