Blazed Movie Reviews: ‘Taken 2’

by 6 years ago
Taken 2

20th Century Fox

I can’t smoke pot at home anymore because I don’t want my dealer to kidnap my kids and take them to Quiznos. So I do it at the movies. This week: Liam Neeson is the worst dad ever, again, in Taken 2.

The career trajectory of Liam Neeson is an interesting one. Back in the day, dude was a Serious Actor doing movies like Schindler’s List and Les Miserables. But then in 1999 he was cast in the Star Wars prequels and was just like “Heyyy, making a lot of money is cool!” So now he just plays crusty old men in action movies like The A-Team and Taken and now Taken 2.

So guess what happens in this movie? Somebody gets… taken! Liam Neeson is back as Bryan Mills, a year after the first movie, and he decides to take another vacation in Europe, because what could possibly go wrong? I’ll tell you what: kidnapping! Okay if the last time I went to Europe I got kidnapped by an Albanian human trafficking ring I probably wouldn’t go back to Europe. I’d vacation at the Corn Palace in South Dakota or something. But I’m not Liam Neeson’s stupid ex-wife.

It’s the ex who gets kidnapped this time, while amazingly the daughter is left to run free and actually does some stuff to deserve surviving this time around. Literally Liam Neeson calls his daughter and tells her “your mom and I are about to be… taken.” The big problem with this movie is that the bad guys are totally fracking dumb. Like they let him make phone calls while they have him at gunpoint and leave him in death traps to escape like some kind of old Batman or something. If I was the Albanian mafia I’d sue the director for making my guys look so bad.

There’s not really any good reason to see Taken 2 but there’s not really any good reason not to see Taken 2 either. It’s not as good as the first one. There’s more car chases and less Liam Neeson merking bitches, although there is still plenty of that. It’s funny enough that seeing it baked improves it, so I recommend that.

Disclaimer: I fixed all the typos and grammar errors but left everything else in.

TAGSblazed movie reviewsDrugsFamke JanssenLeland OrserLiam NeesonMaggie GracepotTaken 2Taken 2 movieTaken sequel