Blazed Movie Reviews: ‘The Watch’

by 6 years ago
The Watch

20th Century Fox


I can’t smoke pot at home anymore because my kids get weird. So I do it at the movies. This week: The Watch, the embattled comedy starring Ben Stiller and Jonah Hill.

Previously known as Neighborhood Watch before that became a synonym for “racist murderer,” The Watch has transformed into one of those movies that they just sort of get out there and hope that enough people have already seen Batman so that it might make a buck or two. The guy who directed it also made Hot Rod, which I thought was pretty funny. This one… isn’t.

Will Ferrell was originally supposed to star in this stinker but he was like “no way, Jose” so Ben Stiller got the job instead. I don’t know about Ben Stiller, man. He used to be pretty freaking funny but lately he’s just in so many really dumb movies. Does he have a drug habit or a bunch of kids to support or something? Ditto Vince Vaughn. Also skinny Jonah Hill. These are all dudes who should know better. And then there’s a British guy who’s pretty good, I guess.

So the deal is it’s four dudes who do Neighborhood Watch because they’re bored with their lives or they want to spy on their kids or whatever, and then there’s aliens in it and they have to fight the aliens. So the alien is like half Xenomorph, half The Thing (shape changing one, not orange rocky one) and it can disguise itself as anyone and it kills people.

This movie is basically like a big fart. It’s sort of funny while it’s happening unless you breathe too deeply, and then it’s just gross and sad. There was nothing that surprised me the whole time, and I’m pretty easily surprised. It just keeps going and going like a bad SNL skit with no payoff. Except there’s a bunch of titties and cussing sort of weirdly shoved in there. The movie was originally going to be PG-13 but they put more titties and cussing in it to make it an R, which normally I’d support but in this case I can’t.

This isn’t a very good movie. I’d watch it on Netflix Instant if I already watched everything else on Netflix Instant, I guess, but there are a lot of things on Netflix Instant. Some weird-ass stuff on there.

Disclaimer: I fixed all the typos and grammatical errors but left everything else in.


TAGSBen Stillerblazed movie reviewsDrugsJonah HillMarijuanaThe WatchVince Vaughn