So you foolishly decided to take on the challenge of running a marathon. Congrats on finishing, and welcome to hell. Thankfully there is no problem that beer can't solve. Here are the five most appropriate options to help ease your pain.
The feeling of ecstasy that accompanies crossing the 26.2 mile mark quickly fades as you discover the finish chute lasts forever. By the time you get to the first water stand, all you want to do is sit down. Unfortunately that's not allowed so you press on. Then, sweet heavenly glory appears out of nowhere. Beer! It doesn't matter if it's craft, macro, or made in Jeb's shed. You're drinking it, and it's delicious.
Once you get home, the realization will set it that you're done. Not the feeling of achievement you will feel down the road, but rather the sense of relief that you no longer have the prospect of running a marathon hanging over your head. The only way to celebrate this moment is by downing an Anchor "Liberty Ale," because you're finally free!
Now comes arguably the worst part of the recovery. The ice bath. As painful as it is though, it's essential. You can stretch all you want, but if you don't jump in a big bucket of ice, the swelling will be even more miserable, and your joints will hate you for life. Enter Widmer Brothers "Brrr Winter Seasonal." It's perfectly designed to keep you warm while you sit there freezing your nuts off.
With the soaking is out of the way, it's time to ice, compress, and elevate. After laying motionless watching football from the couch for a few hours, you'll eventually decide it's time for another beer. The pain that courses through your legs when you first move again is damn near unbearable. There's only one beer that can describe that feeling - Shock Top "End of the World Wheat."
The next day brings a little relief, but it only lasts until you step out of bed. The sharp pain in specific areas will have diminished only to be replaced by all over leg soreness. From the foot to the glute, nothing feels good. Watching yourself walk is entertaining enough to make you feel a little better, but nothing tops having another beer. The most fitting brew for the day after is non other than "Big Hurt Beer."