Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen will die in ‘Scary Movie 5’

by 7 years ago

Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department

And right at the beginning, too, so you can walk out and see a real movie. The Scary Movie… movies are pretty much hot steaming garbage out on a New York sidewalk on the hottest day of the year, so it’s not surprising that they’re stunt casting the two worst people in Hollywood. Lindsay Lohan’s career has actually managed to go downhill from making AMC Family original movies and starring opposite porn actors in movies funded on Kickstarter. Sheen’s new FX series Anger Management is violently unfunny and enjoying double-digit ratings drops with each episode. So why not start your lousy movie with them?

The Hollywood Reporter is saying that Dimension films has signed both Sheen and Lohan to appear in Scary Movie 5. The series has traditionally opened with a semi-famous person or persons being murdered, and it seems like this unpleasant pairing is the next to go under the knife. Oh, and they’ll also be playing a couple in the flick. Can you imagine how unpleasant these two having sex would be? It’d be like watching a Rottweiler eat an 80 pound plastic bag of ground meat. Previous victims have included Pamela Anderson and Dr. Phil.

Do you remember when House of Wax came out and the promotional materials were all about watching Paris Hilton die? Do you think Scary Movie 5 can tap that same kind of cultural zeitgeist or does something a little stronger needs to happen? I mean, this movie stars Ashley Tisdale, nobody’s going to see it but idiots. Now sign Lohan and Sheen to headline Human Centipede 3 and we’ve got a movie. Filming is set to start next month, with Scary Movie 5 hitting theaters sometime next April.

TAGSAshley TisdaleCharlie SheenErica AshLindsay LohanScary Movie 5Terry Crews