9 of the most unclever sexual rap and R&B lyrics of the 90s

by 6 years ago
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Hip-hop and R&B songs of the 1990s were abundant with lyrics about sexual intercourse. Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, 2Pac, Lil’ Kim, The Notorious B.I.G., Jay-Z and numerous other artists rapped about everything from desiring a partner to utilizing sex for power to being promiscuous with colorful euphemisms and ingenious innuendos. But for as many potent rhymes that these and other rappers kicked, there were also some lyrics that went limp. Here are nine of the most unclever sexual ‘90s rap and R&B lyrics.

Photo credit: YouTube/Tone-Loc

In this song, Tone Loc explains the ins and outs of the old in-out, in-out. Uglies bump, bodies slap…it’s like a sexed up Foley studio. Or, it’s like the Rice Crispies kids — Snap, Crackle, Pop! — at a gay bar. Regardless, thank you, Tone, for the bouncy track and the all-too-familiar lyrical visual.

Oh, Salt ‘n’ Pepa. When it comes to getting it on, there’s so much we could talk about: The conjoining of two sweaty bodies writhing in unabashed mutual pleasure. The rhythmic squeaking of bed springs. The sultry soundtrack in the background. The condom breaking. In the ‘90s, every artist or group put out songs about sex — especially you ladies. From inquiries on how a dude’s junk hung or how he had you open like a 7-11 to educating us that the difference between a hooker and ho was merely a fee, you were all too eager to rap about batter dipping the corn dog. Sadly, there can be only one “Shoop.”

Wild dogs couldn’t drag relationships apart. But big old booties? Definitely. And if you had one, it meant you just might be doin’ it, doin’ it and doin’ it well with LL. He would have cruised by your house, snagged you away from your boo and taken you to breakfast, lunch, dinner and breakfast. Technically, “Big Ole Butt” was released in ’89. But well into the ‘90s, it inspired ladies everywhere to eat Big Macs, DQ blizzards and 10-piece buckets so they might have a shot with Uncle L.

In the 90s, 2 Live Crew were obsessed with dicks, vaginas and the magic that happened when the two met. But this lyric was like the chicks on Flavor of Love — too easy. Clearly, Luke and the gang had an appetite for all things sexual. With musical gems like “Fuck Shop” and “Head, Head and More Head,” it’s pretty apparent. I just hope that this lyric garnered them at least one equally libidinous groupie. And I certainly hope she was a fan of Full Metal Jacket.

See, how it works is…when a man and woman are alone together in a room and articles of clothing are removed, odds are good that some fucking is about to take place. Clearly, Ice T is one step ahead of us. He’s also not one to tiptoe around the subject of wooing women. I only hope that these eloquent lyrics resulted in Ice getting to be stupid and nasty. Then again, if his rhymes didn’t make the panties drop, he could have always told the ladies, “One of these days, you’ll see me on TV playing a detective on a crime drama…and then, you’ll wish you would have fucked me senseless when you had the chance, bitch.”

We get it, Juvenile. A big, round booty made your baggy jeans shorter. It’s like a giant magnet for your steel rod. Or an enormous bucket of dipping sauce for your chicken nugget. I can get behind that. The thing was…every ‘90s dude rapped about the ass. If you really wanted a bomb badunkadunk, maybe you could have busted out a tighter rhyme. Or, just busted out your fat wallet.

Of course, you don’t, R. Kelly. And on behalf of ladies everywhere, neither do we. First off, I have to say that your ‘90s slow jam stirred up some serious lady wood. But your lyrics, while convincing, could have used some flair. There wasn’t a G alive who saw something wrong with a little bump and grind. Perhaps you should have changed it to, "I don’t see nothing wrong with a little golden showers." That, my friend, is how you weed out the weak. You’re welcome.

According to Color Me Badd’s 1991 hit, wine plus candles equaled sweet, sweet lovemaking. So basically, one trip to Walgreen's, and you were on the skin boat to Tuna Town. Who knew? I’m not exactly sure what "sex you up" means. Do you want to feel me up? Perhaps, touch my secret no-no place? Let’s be clear about your intentions, Color Me Badd. To me, it conjures images of a clueless young boy dry-humping a woman in hopes of arousing her in such a way that she might do it with him. But arousing laughter is a close second, right?

Is it just me, or does this sound like the porn version of The Cat in the Hat? There’s nothing wrong with wanting sex two or more times a day. And who wouldn’t want to sing about it? But there is such a thing as overkill, Bel Biv Devoe. Then again, I must say it’s impressive that you sang and rapped “Do Me” over 50 times. Clearly, you were trying to drive home a point. And by "drive home a point" I mean "get laid."

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