I’m willing to take a completely irresponsible stand against this study that says the “pulling out method” doesn’t work quite as well as every man would hope.
The study, commissioned by the highly dubious Duke University, compiled surveys from 2,000 women between ages 15 and 24.
Approximately 31 percent of women polled claimed that pulling out was their primary method of birth control. Of that group, 21 percent of the women claim to have gotten knocked up though they did not comment on how much better the experience was for all involved parties.
By comparison, only 13 percent of women to use other forms of birth control such as condoms (boo), the pill, or shots reported getting pregnant.
Based on my own decades of research, I’m going to need more details. We’ve previously discussed on the Guyism Podcast that our scientific opinion is that pulling out is about 90 percent solid (and even then, I could be convinced that in the right trained hands, you could mark that up to 95-99 percent).
So let’s get into this, “Duke.” These women had their partners pulling out, sure. But what was the timing on it? Were they pulling out with 100 percent accuracy? Were there any slip-ups in which a gentleman may have gotten overexcited and attempted to pull out too late, leaving himself basically dealing with a fire hose on at full blast? Did they leave a few extra pumps left so that you’re not having a little extra premature spillage being left in the ol’ baby hole?
You just don’t know, Duke. You just don’t know.
Now I’ll admit that my knowledge of Biology extends solely to one year of it freshman year in which I got a C+. But in college, I took a class on earthquakes and what I learned there is that — as long as you can get out of the danger zone with a little advanced knowledge — pulling out is not only an acceptable alternative, but the best one between two trusting adults.
Don’t listen to the news, just shoot it on her boobs.