I can count on one ninja turtle hand the number of male porn stars that I can name. The most famous of those guys is obviously Ron Jeremy. The man has been paid to have sex more times than I’ve gotten to 2nd base, but at some point everyone needs to retire. Ron has decided to trade in his Astroglide for social lubricant by creating his own rum.
It’s not often that you walk into a party and people are genuinely interested in what bottle of booze you brought, but that’s exactly what will happen when you come toting the choad-like bottle of Ron de Jeremy. No, seriously, that’s it’s name; ron is Spanish for rum. While the bottle shape is short and stout just like the man himself, the fun doesn’t stop there. RDJ is branded as “The adult rum.” I’m pretty sure all rum is for adults, but I know what he’s trying to say. Just in case you didn’t get the reference though, it says right there on the front of the bottle, “Long smooth taste.” My first reaction? Are you f’ing kidding me? I started to think this whole thing was a joke and that there wasn’t actually even alcohol in the bottle. Did someone pick this up from Spencer’s Gifts?
I decided to flip the bottle and hit it from the back read the back of the bottle to see if the orgy of innuendos continued, and I wasn’t disappointed. Rest assured the back is as dirty as Sanchez, making it even tougher to take this rum seriously.
Rons come a plenty, but only one is larger than life.
It opens up smoothly…
The deeply satisfying finish is elegant and long…
Imported by One Eyed Spirits.
Finally it came time to actually try the rum. Packaging is fun and all, but I’m here to get drunk and make some bad decisions. Everyone at the party was willing to take a shot, which isn’t always the case, but no one could turn down the chance to try the sweet nectar of a porn star. I didn’t know exactly what to expect from a bottle packed with puns, but this 7-year old Panamanian rum is certainly no joke. It was fairly smooth, just as advertised, and had a solid mix of fruit and spice. The flavor is lingers for awhile also, which makes me think this would be perfectly fine to sip. Even though there were other options, I returned to the bottle for the rest of my drinks the night. That consisted mostly of taking shots, but eventually I decided it was time for a stiff cocktail. I took a few ounces of Ron’s juice and mixed it with Dr. Pepper 10, again because I’m ridiculously manly. Also, it just seemed appropriate to make a drink that I could accurately call Ron’s DP. The cocktail turned out great and I definitely going to ask for it by name next time I spot Ron de Jeremy behind a bar. There’s nothing like having to explain a double penetration joke in a packed bar.
All in all, I’m glad to know Ron de Jeremy is out there. At $30, it’s at the upper limit of my everyday type rum, but I will definitely make sure that there’s a bottle on the shelf at all times. It’s a great conversation piece, fun party pleaser, and it more than holds its own against other spiced rums.
There’s something awkward about seeing guys walk up and get a money shot from Ron at a club. I’m not here to judge though, and I’m sure if I was in the situation I would have sought out the free booze as well, even if it was administered in a porn star fashion.