And we thought it was going to be pretty bad. So the Michael Bay-helmed live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot has been delayed until 2014. When the project was announced, people started to freak out because Bay was making radical changes to the beloved franchise, most notably transforming the lead characters from ordinary turtles mutated by radioactive waste into… aliens. Paramount decided to give the project a little time off to give people time to calm down and maybe work on the script. A new leak has proven that that was a very good decision.
Blog TMNT, NOT TANT got a copy of the script from an unnamed source and posted the whole freaking thing a few days ago. And holy Christ, is it bad. Like worse than Battleship bad. Casey Jones and April O’Neill are teenagers. The turtles are members of an alien race and their enemy is “Colonel Schrader,” not Shredder. The Foot Clan is a military group now. And the dialogue – the dialogue is horrible. Here’s some sample quotes:
RAPHAEL: We’re trained in ninjitsu. And we don’t just know it, we serve it for dinner…
RAPHAEL (annoyed): What am I, a kid’s toy?
CASEY: Nah… more like the Reservoir Dogs. They were cool!
Ugh. That’s gross. Some of the most excoriating words came from Ninja Turtle co-creator Peter Laird, who wrote on his blog:
Someone else alerted me to the existence of this script, and I just a few minutes ago finished reading it. If it is, in fact, the actual draft that was rejected and caused the production of the next TMNT movie to be pushed back to 2014 because the script was unsatisfactory, then I think all true TMNT fans should be grateful to the new “powers that be” that they did not allow this wretched thing to go any further. It could definitely be taken as a good sign if that is the case.
It reminds me of one of the reasons I am glad to not own the property anymore… because I don’t have to tear what little hair I have left out while trying to fix junk like this.
Paramount has since requested the blog take the script down, and they have complied, but it’s still floating around out there if you want to hunt for it.
Photo credit: Rubenstein, Flickr