You did it! You convinced a lady to go back to your place for “another drink.” Don’t get too excited – you and the weird crap you have in your bedroom could still screw this up. You’re not in college anymore and your room should reflect that. Before she gets to your place, make sure you’ve gotten rid of these red flags.
Gatorade Bottles Full Of Pee
Peeing into not-toilets should be reserved for emergencies like rest stop-less strips of highway in Pennsylvania or drunk walks home after an ex gets engaged. If you are going to pee in a food or beverage container, throw it away immediately. Why are you saving it? You should never store human waste of any kind in your bedroom – this includes piles of fingernail clippings (this is a real thing I’ve seen), cups of spit, and used tissues of any kind
Immediately Visible Lube
You should have lube. It’s a bedside table staple. But she should not be able to see it when she walks into your room. It’s aggressive. Lube and all other fun sex accessories should only be out when they’re needed.
A Candle Collection
It’s a fire hazard and creepy.
Pictures of Boobs
Unless you’re in the army or going through puberty, there’s no reason to tape a ripped Sports Illustrated spread on your wall. When you want to look at boobs, use the internet like an adult.
An Empty Birdcage
An empty antique bird cage does not make you seem like an artsy, soulful being. Unoccupied cages give the impression that you’re looking for something or someone to imprison.
You’re a grown ass man. The second you notice a stain in your drawers, throw ’em out. And learn to wipe better. Bite the bullet and stash a box of moist wipes under the sink.
An Industrial Sized Bottle of Jergens Next To A Computer
You might as well hang a sign above this sad little tableau that reads, “My Jerk Off Station.” I don’t care if you’re frugal or if you have eczema – your bottle of lotion should hold a maximum of 12 ounces and live in a desk drawer.
Embellished Jean Jackets
I love a well dressed man. But well dressed men don’t wear bedazzled jean jackets with ironed on Bruce Springsteen patches. You’re not crafty – you’re destroying nice jackets.
One Perpetually Damp Towel
Luck favors the prepared. Have more than one towel and you may get to lend it to a naked girl who wants to shower with you. Also, your room will stop smelling like mildew.
Another Woman’s Clothing
If you can’t understand why a woman would hate this, I hope no one touches your penis ever again.
[Image via Flickr]