Sometimes you just have to step back and examine what’s wrong with your life. How did I get to this point? How did I end up in a Florida Whataburger at 2:20 am with a black eye?
Let me try to answer those questions for you.
1) You were chanting “War Eagle” repeatedly
2) You were not in Auburn, Alabama
3) You are an asshole
A brief argument ensued in the wake of the chanting, after which two men each hit the victim near his left eye with a closed fist. The chanting man allegedly returned a punch. The assailants fled on foot.
On his way through the parking lot, one of the assailants hit another man in the face who was sitting on the hood of a car.
Although these assailants clearly represent the creme de la crap of society, I have to blame you sir for drawing unwanted attention to yourself. Next time it’s food first, then eating, then chanting. Got it?
(By the way, Whataburger is the most underrated fast food restaurant in America. Take your Five Guys and shove it)