A Booze-Fueled Gift Guide For The Family Members You Love And Hate
Christmas is coming up faster than Clark Griswold’s sled on National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. If you’re like me, you haven’t even started Christmas shopping yet. So, in case you’re a merry family of drunkards, I’ve included a list of some drinking related gift ideas for the whole family.
Family Member: Mom/Crazy Aunt Kathy
Gift: “Spillproof” wine glasses – http://superduperstudio.net/#saturn
No family member cares more about a spotless white carpet then your mom. The ironic part is that she does so while dangerously swaying the very liquid that would destroy it. Well now there’s a solution. The “spillproof” wine glass that is crafted in a way to prevent spills when someone clumsily reaches across the table for a dinner roll. These appear to be on backorder currently, but I think an IOU is suffice for this particular gift as it is the gift that keeps on giving you clean carpets and tablecloths.
Family Member: Dad
Gift: Golf Shot Glass Drinking Game Set http://amzn.to/1yBS5XI
Your dad wants to work on his short game, but for most of the country the weather isn’t the greatest for golfing right now. Plus, those expensive membership fees and time you spend looking for your ball really put a damper on the true meaning of golf, which is participating in the thrill of a sporting competition while consuming alcohol. This game seems to encapsulate the best of both worlds. You don’t have to spend 20 minutes looking for your ball, and you can get as drunk as you want without risking a golf cart DUI. This brings me to my next gift.
Family Member: Uncle
Gift: Breathalyzer http://amzn.to/1GmOzEW
Every family of boozers has that one uncle who gets a little carried away at times in the booze department. Maybe he’s gotten a DUI in the past, and now he often says things like, “I’ll have one more, but then I better head out.” Help him to make the right choice when he’s deciding if he’s okay to drive by leaving it to science instead of his poor judgment. This way he won’t be spending his Christmas behind bars, he’ll be sleeping it off in the guest bedroom. You’ll be forced to the couch, but you’ll save your Uncle a potential DUI, and that’s what Christmas is all about.
Family Member: Brother
Gift: Bar Crawl the Board Game – http://www.barcrawlboardgame.com/
What do you get a brother who’s already played every drinking game you can think of? This could be your solution. This unique board game takes players on a bar crawl without having to leave the comfort of their sweatpants. This could go to a brother in college or one who’s already well on his way down the adult path of life. Make a stop at each of the five unique bars on the board to collect your drink and dodge the cops on the road home to win. Complete the crawl this Christmas.
Family Member: Sister
Gift: Drinking themed wall art http://bit.ly/1x4BVL1
This margarita glass face stating, “LET’S DO KARAOKE” does a few things. First of all, it’s a cute decoration that I could see a lot of girls hanging in their room. The second and more important part is that it protects your sister from most guys at the bar by convincing her that doing karaoke is a great idea. In reality, a drunk chick screaming, “Livin’ on a prayer” into a microphone is a pretty big turn off. If she’s a really talented singer then you might want to rethink this one, but even the best singers do not sound great drunk. If you need proof just watch Mariah Carey’s most recent Christmas performance at Rockefeller Center.
Hopefully this gift guide will help you find the right gift for all the alcoholics in your family. Happy shopping and Merry *burp* Merry Christmas!