10 Biggest Questions Millennials Asked the Internet This Week
What is The Great Gatsby about?
Answer: Life. Money. Decadence. The haves. The have-nots. Wanting what you can't have. Infidelity. West Egg. Jay Gatsby. Bootleggers. Parties. Mansions. Vehicular manslaughter. Calling people “Old Sport” for the sport of it. So fucking much, really.
I recently re-read F. Scott Fitzgerald's masterpiece because I just Cliffs Noted the shit out of it in high school and I thought it was one of those books everyone SHOULD read. So I did. It's a quick book, something like 187 pages, but it is wordy as hell. The story takes place in the 1920's in a place called West Egg, which is a fictional place somewhere near Long Island. The story is narrated by a man named Nick Carraway, who recently moved to West Egg from the mid-west and he also seems to be the poorest guy in the entire town. Loser. Anyway, he moves into the house next to a man called Jay Gatsby. Gatsby has immense wealth, but how he acquired his wealth is a mystery to most. He is famous for throwing the most lavish parties in West Egg, which are attended by insufferable fucks from near and far. It is revealed early on that Gatsby moved to West Egg to be closer to an old girlfriend of his, Daisy, who is now married to a man named Tom Buchanan. Tom and Daisy are in a loveless marriage and Tom cheats on Daisy ALL THE TIME because he is a pompous, corn-filled piece of shit if there ever were one. I won't give it all away (if you haven't read it) but about a third of the way into the book, Gatsby and Daisy reunite, and the story escalates from there. It's a fuckin' page turner, I tell ya.
How do I use pinterest?
Answer: If you're a male, you do not use Pinterest. It's really that easy, no need to look any further than into your own pants for this answer. If you're a woman, however, you may direct your attention here.
How to boil an egg?
Answer: Put a pan half-filled with water on the stove. Turn the stove on high. When the water comes to a boil put the eggs in the water. Now, how long it takes for the eggs to boil depends on the level of heat and the amount of eggs you put in the pot. Candidly, this is a trial and error exercise but a person of average intelligence should get the hang of it after a few runs. Speaking of runs, hard boiled eggs give me them.
What is hummus?
Answer: Delicious. Eat it.
What is twerking?
Answer: It is some newfangled dance craze whereby chicks shake their shit cooker while men look on, carnally.
Here is a quick tutorial.
What is 401k?
Answer: It is a tax-deferred investment vehicle offered by many companies designed to help their employees save for retirement. The max amount one can currently contribute to a 401k is $17,500 a year. Several companies, but not all, will match the employee contribution in some way making it worth your while to contribute. This employer matching is usually vested over a period of time (years). Should you need this money prior to age 59 1/2 you may be hit with a large withdrawal fee. However, you can take a loan out against your 401K if you're buying a house or using it to pay for further education. Obviously that is just a small overview of what a 401K is, but you can learn more here.
What is a hashtag?
Answer: Aside from being one entry in a long list of the stupidest contributions made to society by our generation, a hashtag is something used on Twitter to get a certain topic or event or person to trend. As I write this, these current hashtags are popular: #ChristianMingleUsernames, #HEARTATTACK, #MADEINTHEUSA, #onetimeataparty, #TheOlderIGet
Used in a sample tweet: #onetimeataparty I peed on a guy's sofa, #TheOlderIGet the less awesome that seems.
What is a narcissist?
Answer: A person whose love of self is intense and boundless. An egoist. A man or woman who is likely capable of masturbating to their own reflection. (Note: this is not the dictionary's definition. But it should be.)
What is a meme?
Answer: Basically it is an Internet trend, like Scumbag Steve or Bad Luck Brian.
The Internet defines a meme as “An element of a culture or behavior that may be passed from one individual to another by nongenetic means, esp. imitation. An image, video, etc. that is passed electronically from one Internet user to another.”
How to tie a tie?
Answer: I'd rather be exposed to mustard gas than try to explain in words how to tie a tie. Watch the video below.