How Do You Choose Between a Couple Millers and Public Fellatio?
[inline:bode] [inline:comrie] [inline:miller]
Crowning the top Bro from the last seven days was almost too tough to call. Several bros had spectacular and praiseworthy weeks: Bode Miller finally snatched that elusive Olympic medallion (actually three of them: gold, silver, and bronze); Ryan Miller and his ridiculously patriotic helmet are proving to be a force as Team USA continues on their ice conquests; and then there is Mike Comrie, who received a well-deserved and completely public blow job from his new fiancee, Hillary Duff. Just in case you missed it, immediately after Duff accepted Mike’s very visible proposal she snapped a quick photo of her new engagement ring and called her mother to see if she could fellate him in public. Mom said, “Sure, Honey, but only if you swallow his wad.” Hillary then replied, “Every last drop, mom… Every last drop” True story.
Personally, I am torn. Both Millers — like last week’s bro Shaun White — are representing our country, while Comrie is really just reaping the benefits of Hillary’s paparazzi following. I mean, who hasn’t gotten head in public? Plus, for a million-dollar ring she should have eaten his a**hole in broad daylight while his best friend and/or father f*cked her little cherry blossom from behind. Call me old fashioned, but that seems like the proper way to accept a ring worth more than the GDP of some third-world countries. But I am not hating on him: Receiving a pipe job while strangers admire from afar is a feat nonetheless.
So who did we chose? Well, you savages can find out right after the jump.
After much deliberation, the verdict is that Mike Comrie wins! And honestly, how could he not? I mean, come on. Sure the other guys are repping the USA but this guy (who previous was unknown outside of hockey) got one blow job and now he’s a household name.
What Bode accomplished was no doubt awesome and the guy has been a consummate bro for several years, so it’s good to see him finally clean up his act (just enough) to win some medals for his country. And if I could (I can’t), I would have given him co-honors. As for Ryan Miller, he will be in serious contention next week should Team USA bring home some hardware on Sunday. What he has done thus far is certainly noteworthy and terrific, but when compared to Mike (or even Bode), his accomplishments in the last week aren’t quite there yet. So to Bode I say I am sorry because he was very worthy of at least sharing this and to Ryan I say there is always next week.
Now on to the winner.
Normally, we would never dare give our Bro of the Week award to a bro who proposes to a chick and voluntarily takes himself out of the game, but this is a very special circ*mstance. If Duff is really blowing him in that picture — by the looks of it she’s close to gagging — he clearly deserves this award. You also have to admire the look that is plastered on his face. We might never be certain of what is running through his head during this dome session, but one thing looks pretty certain: he knows someone is watching and he’s loving every minute of it. So bravo to you Mike, I hope you’re happy with your decision.
A quick note for all you ladies out there; this isn’t Hillary’s first time smoking that sausage. I’d bet that she has been blowing Mike behind closed doors for a while, so don’t you dare get the false impression that it should take a ring, a house, or even a hot meal to give a guy a blow job. It just takes your mouth and so long as that works, you should do your civic duty and suck cock until your salivary glands dry up and die.
Good work to all this week’s nominees, you’ve all given bros a good name and you all deserve to be blown in a communal environment as far as we’re concerned. “