The Art of the Pinch Hit

by 9 years ago

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It is 3 a.m. on a Saturday night, and you’re winding down from a 10-hour all-day-chay followed by a wild party at your place. Naturally you have a girl in your bed when it happens: The slampiece from last weekend (and the weekend before) booty-texts you. This could be big trouble. You manage to say, “I have to go to the bathroom” as you run downstairs. You know a threesome is out of the question and you cannot bail on the girl from tonight because she is far too hot. The answer then hits you like a ton of bricks: the pinch hit.

Similar to baseball, the pinch hit is having someone else bat for you. In this case it is one of your bros playing pong in the kitchen. You run up to the most daring bro you have and shout, “Pat! Time for a pinch hit!” Of course you know he will do it. He sinks his last cups and you fill him in on the details of the girl. You make sure that he knows where she lives, and what she looks like. This is the most crucial part of the play. A coach would not put a pinch hitter in unless he knew the batter had properly scouted the pitcher. You send your friend on his way knowing that the both of you are going to pull off the biggest move in a long time.

When the booty caller opens up the door, she’ll look at the pinch hitter in bewilderment. All he needs to say is, “I’m Pat, Bro-Hard’s replacement, he has some other clients tonight.” Unless Mariano’s on the mound, nine times out of 10, she’ll let you in.

The beauty of the pinch hit is that you help a bro in need, the slampiece gets what she wants, and you get to keep the hot girl upstairs. It truly is a win-win-win situation. “