This Week’s Bro Of The Week Is Celebrating His 84th Birthday
It’s time to crown our Bro of the Week and just like last week, our new method will be to give you the top 5 bros trending this week with us ultimately choosing one lucky gent to wear our tiara and sash with pride. This week’s list is heavy with athletes but rest assured that no matter what your favorite sport is, the winner enjoys the life that most of us (the sane one’s anyway) all desire to live.
Starring in a Vitamin Water commercial alongside The Situation was a risky idea, but you add in a training montage and music from the “Rocky” soundtrack and you’ve got yourself an instant classic. You know what else is an instant classic? His WAG, Molly Beers.
As much as it pains me to do this, AG said I had to put someone from Duke on this list. But what I don’t have to do is say anything nice or congratulatory towards him. So I won’t. [Editor’s Note: Kyle Singler, Jon Scheyer, Nolan Smith, Lance Thomas, and Coach K all share this honor, but Zoubs came up with the great D at the end, great rebound, and clutch free-throw, so he gets it.]
The star of Butler’s basketball team is the Doogie Howser of basketball and arguably the most talented nine year old in NCAA history. I’ve got news for him though: none of this basketball success is going to prepare him to deal with the ridicule and awkwardness of puberty. Best of luck, young man.
Let’s look past the latest Nike commercial — that was catered to old men who have some morals, not our demographic — and focus to his stellar play in spite of another bimbo coming forward about their trysts and the fact that he is being monitored so closely that his hand is the only thing that can tend to his sex-addicted cock’s needs. The man may be living in his own personal version of monogamous hell right now, but nothing can faze him on the golf course.
Happy 84th birthday, Hef! We hope your day is filled with good friends, good food, and good fellatio. We wish you many more year’s of stellar health because you have graciously given us countless beauties to gaze at and you’ve also showed us that a life of polygamy is sort of possible. So thank you.