The Time My Mom Caught Me Having An*l Sex…
Editor’s Note: Tomorrow we will announce the winner of our “The Time My Mother Caught Me…” Mother’s Day contest and publish four other runners-up stories about the time a bro’s Mom caught them in the act of doing something… shameful (and usually awesome). And, since we received such a fantastic response, we’ll be sharing even more of our favorites that didn’t make the cut next week. In the meantime, we wanted to get you excited for tomorrow’s big winners with briowa-state-bro‘s contribution to the contest, which earned him an honorable mention.
The story involves a day long chay of me and my fellow bros, and my mom. It was game day and family day at my school. The game was set to kickoff sometime in the afternoon, so this gave us an opportunity to get especially wasted. We were all sophomores at the time, so we hadn’t established a specific place in the tailgate lots for a specific tailgate of our own. We usually just headed out to the lots with 30-packs of Keystone Light and set up camp wherever we felt like, near anyone we thought worthy to witness our greatness.
My mom wanted to come to a tailgate. Since the parents give me a credit card and allow me to run up any ridiculous tab at whatever bars I saw fit, I decided I’d let her come experience a day-chay with the rest of us. Everything started off normal: shotgunning beers, chugging beers, playing Louisville Chugger. Of course, there were quite a few slampieces there.
As I was off doing my own thing, I realized that everyone had taken a liking to my mom and my bros were chatting her up. This was no problem. The real problem was the the slampieces. At first I thought I was scoring major points with all these girls, which would mean a one-way ticket to pound town for the luckiest one.
I was wrong. After I shotgunned my 4th or 5th beer in the last half hour I wandered over to where a group of about five slampieces were surrounding my mom. I walk up and see her downing gulps of
vodka out of a water bottle. Afterward, she said, “Wow, I can’t even taste it.” My mom is probably about 120 pounds and I have never seen her drunk. I began to get a little worried and tell the girls to lay off because I didn’t want to end up babysitting my mom, although that’s exactly what happened.
Since I was having an awesome time and our football team wasn’t anything that great, I decided to take my mom into the game and then head back out to the tailgate to continue playing a game I love called ‘See How Drunk I Can Get.’ I start to walk in to the stadium with my mom and she’s all giggly and saying she had such a good time with all my friends and that the girls were so nice. Her speech was pretty slurred and I didn’t think much of it. Once we get in the stadium, she said she started to feel sick. So, I took her to the bathroom where she just hit a brick wall. Before she gets to the bathroom, she starts to vomit. After she finishes, I let her go in to the bathroom and puke more. After about 10 minutes I get a little worried and I go in to find her puking her brains out and about to pass out.
I decide to take her home, which involved me pretty much carrying her the 10 blocks to my Bro pad. Once I finally get her there, I dump her in my bed, she passes out, and I go back to the lots to chay. Of course I just get completely hammered the rest of the day, trying to forget the horrific experience I just went through. And after the game, I’m hammered, so figured I’d call up my sure thing.
When I get her back to my apartment, I realized my mom is passed out. So I just take her to pound town in my living room. This was a true sloppy, sl*tty slampiece, so I got bored with the main hole and went in the back-door. She loved it.
At this point I hear my mom get out of the room, walks past us, and uses the bathroom. Of course, I continued. A couple minutes later, she walks by us having anal sex on my couch and goes back to my room.
A week or so later I got a five-page, hand-written letter from my mom, who’s very religious, saying how disappointed she was with me and how that poor girl was making ‘such strange sounds.’ My bros read it and we all had a real good laugh over it. So, yes, my mom walked by me having anal sex and didn’t stop me, but wrote me a hilarious letter. I wish I still had that letter, but unfortunately it got thrown away.