The 15 Most Inappropriate Places to Ice Someone

by 9 years ago

After hearing a story about an icing at a funeral and then an actual mid-coitus icing (rumor has it that the guy took it like a champ and then re-engaged in battle), we figured we would throw together a list of the most inappropriate times or place to ice someone. Our whole office, interns included, came up with this list, which, by the way, is not us saying “please don’t ice someone at a funeral” but rather us offering up a few really f*cked-up situations to go for broke when you’re attempting to ice another person.


This fad is no doubt going to pass — I’d be surprised if it lives on past the summer — so why not make a lasting impression like the Bro who iced the President at Hobart? Ten years from now, when the world forgets Icing even existed and the Smirnoff conspiracy theory, you can look back at a truly memorable moment and say, “Hey Stew, do you remember that time we Iced Grandma on her 90th birthday and the old carpetbagger broke her hip trying to take a knee? Ah, those were the days.”


Here is our list and feel free to add your own in the comments. Please remember to always Ice others will little to no discretion.


15. Police station. Bust through the station doors screaming, “Freeze mother f*ckers!” then whip an Ice out like it’s a gun. If you aren’t instantly shot to death, this could be epic.


14. Fancy restaurants. Most don’t serve Ice, and for good reason, so come prepared.


13. The boardroom. Knock your boss down a few pegs. You know you want to.


12. Elementary school playground. So yeah, I think one of our interns might have a future in child mol*station.


11. Church/Temple/Synagogue. After your target chugs it, use the empty bottle to make a Molotov cocktail and throw it at a Center for Scientology.


10. A Baptism. Step up your game, swap out the holy water with Smirnoff the night before, and Ice the new born.


9. Planned Parenthood or abortion clinic. Only do this after your wrong has been righted.


8. The DMV. Nail the driving instructor right after he passes you. [Ed.’s note: But don’t drive drunk.]


7. Wedding ceremony. Do it to the Groom during the ceremony.


6. Emergency room. Bonus points if you Ice a burn victim.


5. Airport security line. Ice someone who fits the terrorist profile.


4. Under enemy fire in the middle of a war zone. O.K., so this one is f*cked up. In fact, just wait till you get back to barracks.


3. During an execution-style execution. I mean, they are already on their knees.


2. Funerals. Toss the empty in the casket and enjoy a few months of excommunication from your family.


1. AA meeting. How and why this would be awesome is pretty self-explanatory.