Who Has the Best—and Worst—Flow in Politics?
After scouring my 111th Congress Pictoral Directory and checking in with a few senior political aides, I’ve come up with a list of the best flow in politics. Now to be sure, these guys don’t have flow in the traditional lax bro sense. No one’s going to earn an AARP or NRA endorsement by sporting luscious brunette locks. And we can only assume that, depending on your primary situation, the liberal hippie protestor squad would smell blood at the sight of some serious flow, since we all know that shaving one’s head and FedExing the clippings
is the only way to plug the gulf oil spill. So I had to take a little license in putting this together, as flow in this list may mostly refer to flowtential. That said, here is a listing of the best “flow” in politics. No homo.
Rep. Ed Markey (D-MA)
Watch out for those windmills, Mr. Chairman, that flow looks like it might just blow away! You can tell that hair is just screaming be set free.
Rep. Jerry Lewis (R-CA)
As the former Chairman of the House Appropriations Committee, there’s no doubt that his favorite pet project is that lush head bush he maintains so well.
Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH)
It’s not the longest mane in Congress, but it certainly puts the flow in flow. Just look at that tuff float in the wind outside the Capitol building.
Rep. Jeff Flake (R-AZ)
He may need to check his math again if he thinks we can solve the deficit crisis by eliminating earmarks, but this all-around nice guy has a great head of hair and let it grow out a bit while spending a week fending for himself on a deserted tropical island last summer.
Rep. Gene Taylor (D-MO)
When he’s not running shit from his senior position on the Armed Services committee, everyone’s favorite dude from the Cave State loves letting it go unkempt while he shoots the shit with the troops.
Rep. Aaron Schock (R-IL)
O.K., so he doesn’t exactly have the best flow… or really any at all. But he is one of the top Bros in Congress. He uses the prestige that comes with his office for only the best purposes, like reeling in slamcakes.
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX)
The good Governor looks like he just fell off a first season episode of “Law and Order.” He may have changed parties over the years, but he’s always kept a solid tuft on top. Tip of the hat wag of the finger, sir.
Sen. Daniel Akaka (D-HI)
One word: thickness. Although I couldn’t find it for this post, I’ve seen an old photo of him in the old days with legitimate flow. If you can find it, post it in the comments.
Rep. Lee Terry (R-NE)
Who was the President before Obama? BUSH! That’s what I think of every time I see the honorable Representative from Nebraska. Rounding out the list, this is another politico with some serious flow potential.
These guys may not be currently elected officials, but there’s no doubt they wrote the book on big hair in the 21st century.
Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL)
To paraphrase the former governor of Illinois, this shit is f*cking golden. While he may be ethically challenged, with more hairs per follicle than your creepy roommate’s chinchilla, his head germinates better than a chia pet. We can only fantasize about his flowtential.
Sen. John Edwards (D-NC)
We all know that when he’s not munching pregnant, infedilious tw*t the former presidential hopeful, senator, and ass-kicking plaintiff’s attorney
spends his time combing Just For Men through his luscious locks.
Stephen T. Colbert (?-SC)
Nation, as you know, Bros are rich as shit and have great confidence. It takes great confidence to shave off one’s flow. And it’s Bro as f*ck if you can use that shaving to make even more money and support our fellow Bros serving overseas. Well done.
Worst Flow in Politics:
North Korean Crazy Man Kim Jong Il
Fuck this guy. He wears high heels and it looks like he cuts his own hair. Even though he is reported to have the world’s largest adult entertainment collection, he has no redeemable qualities.
Bosnian Serb Mass Murderer Radovan Karadzic
So much potential, such poor execution. Let’s just hope his time in lockup at the Hague as an accused war criminal gives him a chance to grow out those silver locks. Note: BroBible does not endorse genocide.
Rep. Ileana Ros-Leinten (R-FL)
Last but not least, we have the gentlewoman from Florida. Perhaps as a female she does not qualify for this list, but there is no doubt that she has prototypical flow. It’s even got a helmet indentation built in. Respect.
Sound Off in the comments if I missed anyone…