How to Tell If You Are Great in Bed
This is the latest installment of Ask A Bro with Waffles McButter. Got a question of your own for Waffles? Email firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also now follow Waffles on Twitter or be his friend on Facebook.
What is the best way to tell if you are good in bed? Some chicks tell me they c*m, but others don’t say anything. Are there any sure ways to tell?
Don’t Taze Me Bro
As much as I’d like to give you the selfish, who-gives-a-shit response of “as long as you c*m, you are Aces in bed,” I can’t because all the three-pumpers out there would get the wrong impression. There is no doubt that your obtainment of satisfaction is paramount in this scenario but maintaining your good name amongst the female population — because they squeal like the pigs they are — is a close second on the list. Especially if you are out in the field and not tied down by some hog. That said, there are a lot of other ways, aside from just the grapevine, to know if you are in fact good in bed or if your dingy work is being laughed at during Sunday brunch.
Most girls don’t fake org*sms but even when they do, you would be able to know it — if you’ve actually ever made one climax in the first place, that is. It’s that moment during climax when you think she is going to give herself a hernia from the blissful strain that you know if she had an org*sm. Also, some girls can org*sm like wildfire, while others might be one and done. And that is her fault, not yours
Sound during her org*sm is also optional depending on chick. Don’t be fooled by the misconception that a job well done is the result of moaning, screaming, etc. I have been with some real werewolves in my day, but even if a girl isn’t howling at the moon, she could still be having a fantastic time. And conversely, just because she yelling like an a**hole, that might not mean shit either because chicks are just theatrical by nature.
Remember that in bed, everyone expresses themselves differently. A chick doesn’t need to scream your name, claw your back, or recite a Bible verse to know she is into it. If she’s not flipped over in beast mode, take a look at her face, it will tell you a lot. Even about your decision to f*ck her…
Here are just a few other things that will solidify your bedside dominance:
Foreplay: Yes, it blows, but most women who aren’t adult entertainment stars want it. Just don’t fall into a stale routine if you are always taggin the same chick.
Munching box: You don’t have to strap on the scuba gear and dive on every occasion or for hours on end but chicks oftentimes love this more than sex.
Your dick: It doesn’t have to be the size of Paul Bunion’s ax to make a broad enjoy it but you do need to learn how to use what God gave you. A good friend of mine always says, “I may never hit the bottom but I’ll f*ck the shit out of the sides.”
Listen: If she is constantly moving your hand from her a**hole to her clit, asking you to hold her leg over her head, or telling you to slap her f*cking silly, just go with it. It means she wants it, the same way you holding her head while you blow your pent-up load in her mouth means you want her to swallow, or gag, or choke.