A Drinking Game Brotastrophe: Call to Arms

by 8 years ago

Fellow Bros,
I write to you tonight in a moment of great bro need. A great injustice towards drinking games nationwide is currently unfolding, and I humbly ask your aid in helping us stop it.
Three good friends and I, all brothers and loyal followers of BroBible, entered into a unique competition a couple weeks ago; a competition by the name of the Cuervo Games. The Games are organized through Facebook, where teams can acc*mulate votes from their friends. The top 3 teams from each section go on to compete in the regionals for a chance at winning an all-inclusive trip to VEGAS to compete in the finals.

As we held first place for over a week, we continued to toil whenever we were in front of a computer; constantly hassling our frat bros, families, and friends to vote for us and ensure our entry into the Cuervo Games 2010. However, just 2 days ago, a surprise team entered in. The team goes by the name of “Barstool Sports Boston,” a website which I’m sure BroBible has heard of before. Swinging the brunt force from their Boston fanbase, Barstool Sports quickly shattered all competition, and now leads the Games entrances by over 300 votes.

My team and I were, until now, ready to lower our heads in humility to the power of one of Boston’s most highly followed websites… But then they made yet another step. Yesterday, one of our competitors, a team by the name of FB G$, sent an email to Barstool and asked why they were being crushed. “But we’re girls!” They say… “We’ll wear white shirts and get wet!”. (Paraphrase)
Barstool took the bait. In an act nearly as shameless as Lebron signing with the Heat, Barstool sponsored this team of girls, citing that they wanted to see them in the Games:  “I’d love to get f*cked up with you after (wink, wink)”. (Direct quote from “El Pres”). I wonder what they’re after.
This is a setting of precedents. Barstool has single-handedly decided that this team of girls should have the right to compete in the Cuervo Games based on a cry for help. But beyond that, they decided more: they decided that drinking games…. NO, that an event as epic as one named the CUERVO GAMES ought not include those very people who can really handle it, ought not allow the real competitors, the bro’s who put in weeks of grunt-work to get where they are to have a shot in the Games… And that drinking games, instead, ought be run by little girls in their white tank tops.

Now, don’t get me wrong… I love the ladies. They really rev my engine[1]. But drinking games… The CUERVO GAMES with a trip to Vegas is OUR domain. We rule all things drinking and we do it with persistence, practice, precision, skill and determination. We comprise the model of the BroBible followers, and we remain loyal fans.
What we ask of you today, Bros, is your assistance in helping us maintain our position in the Cuervo Games. For us and for our brothers all over. We ve all gone through endless months of brutal pledging to have the honor of wearing our letters while running the table. These girls haven t. Barstool Sports Boston probably didn t. Sponsor us in the Cuervo Games 2010 and let us prove it. If you don’t, then we submit one of the nations biggest drinking events to the hands of Boston’s BarstoolSports.com, and the little skirts that they’re so clearly chasing.

If you help put us in the top 3, we will win the Cuervo Games for Bro’s all over.
King Brofasarous, captain of Team Whispering Eye


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