The Fix is In on ‘The Ruins’ and Johanna’s Evil Side Emerges
Editor’s Note: Each Thursday, Mr. T will recap last night’s episode of “The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins,” perhaps the greatest reality television show ever filmed. Previously: Episode 1.
[inline:johanna]It’s only week two of MTV’s “Real World/Road Rules Challenge,” but the drama is at an all-time high. After the way last year started with C.T. and Adam throwing haymakers, we all thought a season would never start as strongly. Thankfully MTV was smart enough to throw the love pentagon into the mix and stack the teams so that all the juicers were on the same side. There’s been talk in previous season of fixing competitions, but this is the earliest it’s ever been an issue. Usually the first few weeks are a drunken party where the fat gets cut off. Fortunately for us, we’re already in mid-season form.
You Backstabbin’ Motherf*cker:
Despite Wes’ desire to let bygones be bygones, the Champions devise a plan to throw Wes’ girlfriend Kelly Anne into the Ruins with her best friend Evelyn, the Champions’ strongest female competitor. The friends have no idea about the plot until Johnny unveils it in the deliberation room. Evelyn and Wes are completely blindsided and lose their shit. Evelyn starts kicking any piece of furniture she can find and Wes threatens to beat Johnny’s ass. You gotta wonder if Evelyn secretly wants to munch on Kelly Anne’s box (or maybe she did at the Island and is secretly upset that Wes is stealing her girl)? Eventually they cut to a shot of Johnny walking around without a shirt on, a move you know he instituted to make him look tough. The best part is that Evan and Kenny didn’t even have to break the news. They probably knew shit would go down, so they must have suggested that Johnny do it in the deliberation room.
See You Next Tuesday:
Maybe my memory is a little foggy, but I never remember Johanna having such an evil side during the “Real World: Austin” season. She’s coming off like such a c-bag in the first two episodes and I’m trying to figure out why. She hates Kelly Anne for no reason. It seems like jealousy, but she’s the one who broke it off with Wes. If she didn’t talk like a three-year old, we might be able to take her seriously. She comes to talk to Wes at the end of the episode, which makes even less sense. If she hates him, why is she flirting and chatting with him in the first place? When Wes doesn’t react like she wants him to, she threatens to sell Wes’ house because the deed is under her name. What a ho.
You Killed It:
I feel like MTV used to switch up the hosts of the challenges, but we’ve been stuck with the emotionless and boring T.J. Lavin for quite some time now. What’s even worse is that his famous “you killed it” line has disappeared over the last two seasons. Did MTV instruct him to cut the line like Fox cut Seacrest’s “Seacrest out” moniker from “American Idol” (pause)? Do they just edit it out of the final cut because they don’t like him saying it? Did T.J. stop saying it because he knew we were all making fun of him? It really takes away from the drinking game possibilities involved when watching the show. One can only enjoy it so much when T.J. tries to throw the guilt trip at the end to Evelyn. We’ve heard from him before that he doesn’t like quitters, but he tries to show some compassion by saying he understands the hatred involved. T.J., spare us all and please don’t go into acting.
Invest in Good Implants:
After teasing it last week in scenes from the rest of the season, MTV didn’t make us wait long for Shauvon to pop her implant. The mission was pretty simple, but Shauvon’s fat ass couldn’t hold on to the rope and she fell flat on her face into the water. How f*cking hard is it to hold on to the damn rope? When she comes back from the hospital she goes into an elaborate story about how she’s got muscle and tissue damage and is all bruised up. Like any of them actually gave a shit. Without your b**bs, the guys don’t give a crap about you and you weren’t friendly enough with any of the girls in the first place. Save your plea for sympathy. She goes out by telling everyone how she’s a strong competitor and can’t wait to give it another try. Child please. You suck.
The Actual Results:
The competition itself seemed like one of the easiest in “RR/RW Challenge” history. All you had to do was get your team from one platform to the other. Everyone would swing from a rope, one person at a time, around a fence while hovering over water. Casey and Shauvon were the only two incompetent people that were unable to do this, although Ibis did fail once for the Champions. The Champions killed it and won easily. Since Wes nominated himself, he chose to face Nick in the Ruins. Johnny tried to give Nick a pep talk beforehand, but it’s not like there’s anything he could do to help him out. Nick still has to go in there and deal with the challenge by himself.
It wasn’t much of a battle, but let’s face it, Nick really never had a shot. Evan is probably the only one in this competition that could put Wes out. Nick claims the friends he made on the show will mean more than any money he could ever make. We believe you Nick. That’s why you go on the Spring Breaks and end up on these challenges in the first place.
Kelly Anne and Evelyn headed into the Ruins on the women’s side after everything settled down. Despite trying initially, Evelyn threw the matchup so that Kelly Anne would win. She claimed she didn’t want to help her enemies win. She probably could’ve stirred up more shit if she had stuck around and Wes would’ve been more upset if Kelly Anne had been sent home. It’s a damn shame.
Still To Come:
In the scenes from next week, Veronica (who was very absent from this week’s episode) and Evan seem to begin a romantic endeavor. You have to wonder if Evan (a) knows he’s going to get an STD and (b) is getting a little ahead of himself. We never see Evan comingling with the girls on the challenges because he’s usually strictly business. It’s even pointed out that Veronica is whoring herself out to help her financial situation in the game, which wouldn’t surprise anyone. We’ll have to see which head Evan ends up thinking with during the rest of the season. “