Natural Style’: Rear Entry Made Classy

by 10 years ago

[inline:doggie]It’s risque. It is considered by some to be derogatory. It’s downright amazing. It’s… Doggy Style.

How many times, amid a steamy roll in the hay, have you been itching (scratching fleas, maybe, if you’re from New Jersey) to get behind your smoking hot partner?

Doggy Style (the Latin more ferarum) has been around since Roman times. It is the optimal position for G-spot stimulation and, according to one of my meat head friends, the best position to flex and kiss your own bicep muscles. It also keeps you from having awkward face-to-face sex with someone that you (God forbid) may not be emotionally attached to.

If there are all of these wonderful reasons to do it like they do on the Discovery Channel, what keeps people from partaking in canine coitus more regularly?

The name. It sounds awful. As Katherine Heigl says in “Knocked Up,” “You’re not going to f*ck me like a dog.” (Seth Rogen’s response: “It’s doggie style. We don’t have to go outside or anything.”)

Enter: “Natural Style.”

All animals, other than humans, have sex in the doggy style position exclusively. Have you ever been to the zoo and seen the chimps going female on top, facing each other? I don’t think so. They get after it doggy style, whooping and shouting in front of elementary school field trips as they see fit. Ever seen horses have sex? Same deal. Think about when Pontius drinks horse semen in “Jackass 2.” Mr. Ed fills up the leather sleeve from behind the woman horse.

Sex with the male behind the female is… natural. Don’t deny yourself or your partner of your mutual, primal urges. Simply re-name what you’ve already been doing to erase the demeaning element of it all.

Your female partners will be much more willing to get it from the back if you tell them that it’s completely… natural. Take it from me: “Hey babe, let’s do it Natural Style.” ”