Response to Bleak Job Market: Don’t Be a Fool, Chay in School!

by 10 years ago


This article is for all you bros out there clinging to two last semesters of living the dream. By “living the dream” I mean being a college senior and basically doing whatever the f*ck you want for all but the two hours a day when you surf the web in lecture halls.

The dream is coming to an end; it’s not healthy to avoid this fact. The real question is what we bros need to do about it. Struggling to find full-time employment? Aren’t we all.

Bros, the prospect of successfully venturing out into today’s workforce is a daunting one. Jobs are few and far between, and you will be applying for jobs for which people with five or more years of related experience are also vying.

What do we do when all dreams seem to be nearing their end? If you wake up during a sex dream that has you jack-hammering Audrina Partridge in a baby pool full of KY Intense, you fall back asleep AT ALL COSTS. Similar principles apply here.

If you feel like you’re about to wake up from the four-year dream that is the typical undergraduate experience, do not hurl yourself off of your frat house balcony. The fall probably isn’t far enough to kill you, and pledges have enough to clean up around the frat yard, like the other stuff you hurled off the frat house balcony last weekend.

Life is all about perspective. Find a future that suits you. Apply for Teach For America, go live in Europe, or pursue a graduate degree. It’s a great time for higher education.

No, not higher in the sense that you roll a fatty before your next Poli Sci lecture. Higher in the sense that you are pursuing something greater than yourself. You are better preparing yourself to tackle the problems in the real world, instead of tackling that fat pledge from St. Louis with the jew-fro and braces. “