Tonya Loses Her Mind (Again), as ‘The Ruins’ Gets Back on Track

by 11 years ago


Just when you thought you could stop watching MTV’s “Real World/Road Rules Challenge,” they reel you right back in! The drama with Wes has dramatically subsided, but the girls thankfully filled in this week. Whether it was crazy b*tches fighting, whiny c-bags crying, or drunken hoes yelling, you had all of it in this episode. Of course the guys stirred the pot a little bit, but that’s what they’re there for. What else are they supposed to do when they’re not loading up on protein and shooting each other in the ass with a needle? They gotta keep themselves busy somehow.

Catfight #1 — A Sorted History:

Tanya and Veronica’s feud goes way back. Tonya’s feuded with a lot of people because she’s a crazy b*tch who gets a little too sauced up. Veronica personifies the words “See you next Tuesday” and never backs down from a shouting match. Back on “The Inferno II,” Veronica and the other girls were making fun of Tonya for masturbating in bed while other people were around. Of course, everyone reading this would’ve preferred the girls joined her or at least made sure the MTV producers taped it. That’s another great moment that should’ve been captured on my premium channel version of the show (although Tonya’s face looks a little bloated these days so I’m not as excited; PMS perhaps?).

Tonya’s issues are deeply rooted.

As we mentioned after the season premiere, she’s got a few screws loose. The Three Amigos (my new nickname for the dominant political group of Evan, Kenny, and Johnny) like to make fun of her, which resulted in them baby powdering her face at the beginning of the episode and her crying as usual. Everyone knows she needs professional help, yet people continue to fire her up. She says she’s gonna stop drinking after embarrassing herself again, but she boozes up again after the challenge. That lasted pretty long, eh? She even goes as far as to eat an insect. That is not the kind of behavior that got her the Cinemax gig.

Things really heats up after the challenge. Tonya flips a switch and lets Veronica have it. Despite saying she’s mature, Veronica refuses to back down and talks her share of shit. Next thing you know, Tonya throws a couple haymaker slaps at Veronica and the fight is on. The only problem is, Veronica doesn’t want to go home, so she’s not throwing any punches. Wes is the only sensible person to break it up. The real loser in all this is Evan, who decides that Veronica is too evil for him to continue to sleep with. He decides to gang up on V with the rest of the guys (no, not in the way we wish happened) and make her feel bad for what she did. Of course this results in Veronica getting upset and also announcing the end of her sex fest with Evan. I’m not sure how that helps her because she now has no allies in the game. Nice job jackass. Of course Tonya gets sent home for throwing slaps, so the crazy quotient in the house unfortunately goes down a few notches.

Catfight #2 — We Don’t Want Them Getting Naked:

A catfight with between Elaine Benes and Raquel Welch, this was not. Katie and Sara’s feud starts because Sara laughs when the Three Amigos put the plunger in Katie’s bed on consecutive nights. On the first night she swings the plunger at anyone who got near her. On the second night she starts dropping F-bombs on Sara and flicks her off. It’s the first time Sara got involved with some house drama, which is surprising considering what a b*tch she was during “Real World: Brooklyn.” Katie starts calling Sara fat, but that’s a bit much, no? Pot meet kettle. Katie, you’re an ugly, unathletic ogre and you shouldn’t be knocking anyone. You’re lucky MTV even lets your inferior ass on the show in the first place.

Fast forward to the Ruins, where Katie volunteers to go in and chooses Sarah after her team convinces her to leave the miserable Casey out of it. One would think Sarah possesses an edge in the Ruins, which pitted the competitors in a game where they were suspended from the sky and had to hold on to the same ring. Whoever let go of the ring two out of three times would be sent home. The chicks split the first two rounds and they each curse out their opponent and flip them the bird after their respective wins. The amusing part was watching Kim call it trashy because when you look at Kim and hear her talk, that’s the first adjective that comes to mind (Kim, get loose and sleep with one of the guys already). Sarah eventually wins and we’ll never have to deal with Katie again.

Why? Katie told Derek earlier in the episode that she was retiring from the challenge, even though she’s stated that before. She misses her fiancee and wants to start her family. Good riddance, I say. I would say don’t let the door hit you on the way out, but her ass is so big, it’s inevitable.

The Actual Results:

The competition itself was, once again, rather easy. All you had to do was swim out to these rafts, unhook them, and drag them back towards shore, creating a bridge for a teammate to run across and light a fire. It’s not exactly rocket science and sure as hell makes the Champions wonder why they lifted so much in the offseason. The Champions win easily because Casey is a ruh-tard. Why are you coming out to these challenges if you need a life vest and look like a “drowning kitten” as Evan described it. I’m sure she looks much better with a dick in her mouth, so you don’t have to hear her talk and whine. You do wonder if she’s even able to do that well given everything else we know about her. Katie and Kim are afraid of the water, so they were the runners for their respective teams. Seriously? Also, Veronica looked like she was dragging a lot of rear-end weight into the water. The beauty of doing competitions in bathing suits…

Once again Wes wasn’t nominated by his team to be eligible for the Ruins. He’s quietly sliding through the game and you know the situation is going to blow up again eventually. Since Darrell thinks he’s the toughest S.O.B. around, he chooses to go against “Fatso” (aka Danny), who has been seen eating numerous cheeseburgers in between challenges. Hopefully his wife Melinda hasn’t taken up the same diet. The Darrell vs. Danny matchup in the Ruins didn’t involve much fire. While both compete hard, “Fatso” can’t keep up and Darrell wins. Melinda must have encouraged Danny to cycling off because he didn’t have the same temper on this challenge as he’s had in previous ones.

Still to come:

Next week’s episode looks like a real snooze-fest. The only drama might come with Veronica being chased out of the house. The competition seems like an event that favors the team with more players, so the Champions should roll again. “