Packing Pouches: Bro or Not Bro?

by 10 years ago

[inline:skoal citrus]

Editor’s Note: This is the first installment of a new feature in which you, the readers, get to decide whether something is “Bro or Not Bro.” Sound Off in the comments, and send us ideas for future installments via.

It’s 10 p.m. and you’re at your go-to gas station picking up a few tins. No matter how loyal you are to a particular flavor/brand, there are always a few seconds of deliberation of what option to go with. Personally, I go through phases. Currently, I’m in a Griz Straight phase. I have been dipping for several years now and in that time have dabbled with various brands and flavors. But one thing I have never been able to fully convert to are f*cking pouches. There was a two-week stretch where I went through three tins of Skoal Bandits… but then my balls dropped. It’s no secret that pulling out a tin of Citrus Pouches will definitely cause some uproar amongst dipping purists. That being said, I have determined there are a few instances where throwing in a pouch is somewhat justifiable.

1. When playing sports. It’s science. Going OTH GLE (Over The Head Goal Line Extended) can be both mentally and physically taxing. Sometimes you forget about the tobacco in your mouth when you see that freshmen hanging his stick in Fall Ball. I have also found pouches to be much easier to deal with when skiing or snowboarding. Exception here is obviously baseball. If you play baseball and you dip pouches you should quit both dipping and athletics. You’re an embarrassment to the Bro culture.

2. In class. Long lectures on shit that you really don’t care about on a Thursday afternoon are excruciatingly painful. There are two things that experienced dippers know that allow them to pull this off and not look like a total tobacco fiend in front of their professors. First off, you must be able to skillfully spit into a straw or coffee cup lid. Secondly, you must be able to chew and not make noticeable facial movements. I don’t care if you have to gut your spit, having a fatty lip is easier to spot than a hoe in a crowd of nuns. However, this is where the virtue of pouches comes in. A veteran can throw one or two back shelf and even their dentist wouldn’t even pick up on it during a cleaning. If you can accomplish this somewhat risky maneuver, consider yourself a certified G. Class, crashing your little sister’s friends’ Sweet 16’s, family dinners, or getting a nice BJ can be enjoyed without looking like John Kruk in the on-deck circle.

3. If you have a vag*na. Please refer to my earlier works on whether or not it is acceptable for chicks to dip. But when it comes to babes and dipping, pouches are totally acceptable. In fact, I find it rather sexy.

That about sums it up. Now it’s up to you to decide whether packing pouches is Bro or Not Bro. My personal opinion is that when it comes to dipping, it’s all a matter of personal preference. Buy any tin you want and be proud of it. So if pouches are your style, I won’t hold it against you so long as you pack them with some swagger… p*ssy. “