Think Work Sucks? The Philadelphia Lawyer Agrees

by 10 years ago

[inline:happy]We’ve been a fan of The Philadelphia Lawyer blog for a while now, and when we heard that the author’s debut book, “Happy Hour is for Amateurs: Work Sucks. Life Doesn’t Have to,” was coming out in paperback, we just had to talk to the guy. Or, at least email him, since he’s still anonymous and we weren’t looking to blow his cover. If you’ve never read the blog (or didn’t pick up the book in hardcover), it’s a no-holds-bar peek behind the scenes of the booze-filled, back-stabbing legal world in the birthplace of the Constitution: Philadelphia. Buy the book on Amazon here, read the full interview below, and check back tomorrow for a BroBible exclusive story by The Philadelphia Lawyer. The topic: “You’re Not Getting Laid Because…”

BroBible: What possessed you to start writing the tales of your life? Did you find the experience therapeutic?

The Philadelphia Lawyer: Combination of things. The material was there, I knew I could write, and the scene around me was so absurd I figured, “Somebody has to deconstruct this shit — show it for what it is. Mine out the funny angles of this shit to show what an absurd, wasteful McProfession practicing law in this city is.”

What was it like to go from strictly blogging to writing an entire book?

The Philadelphia Lawyer: A b*tch. But before I get to that, let me clarify — you and me? We’re not “bloggers.” We write “content.” And I’m not being snotty there. That distinction needs to be repeated. “Blogs” are basically link dumps, or pedestals for people to pimp short opinions.

All that said, the content I wrote was still abbreviated, and it needed that closer punchline, even for the serial pieces. Taking the stories we used in the book apart and arcing them into a broader narrative was difficult as hell. Reminds you how much more of a skill writing a full-length book is than writing a website piece. And how important editors are in the process.

Do you still practice law or have you decided to write/booze/party full time? No doubt an absolute joy for your liver.

The Philadelphia Lawyer: To borrow from the title of the old Stones’ record, I still get my ya yas out. But I’ve settled down considerably. I’ve a wife, a child, mortgage, and business interests to attend to. I fire the jets here and there, but there aren’t many experiences like, say, the “3:1” story in the book in my life anymore. There may be some down the road, but right now, no. As to law, when I need to, or when I can use it grab a few bucks, yeah, I’ll still ply the trade.

I know you will probably say yes, but does Tucker Max crush quality puss? I’ve seen some of the broads pics he has on his website and I gotta say, “woof.”

The Philadelphia Lawyer: I don’t know what Tucker scores, but judging from his last girlfriend, I’d have to say he does well.

Your book covers a decade of your rather unscrupulous, yet desirable life. What is the most insane moment of those 10 years?

The Philadelphia Lawyer: That’s tough. I don’t know how to explain it, but in the vortex of chaos, I tend to feel calm, so looking back, it all seems normal, with the peaks flattened a bit. I think most people have a great capacity to adapt to the strangeness of a situation, so it’s hard to say what was most “insane.” Like I said in the passage in “Twenty-Six” regarding driving on nitrous, when you’re used to living in a certain element for a time, the weird gets regular. That’s why most of the serious freaks in society don’t write books. They figure, “Nobody’d be interested in this… It’s just average hijinks.”

So now that you’ve got a new book out there, even though you are a married man, is p*ssy just flying off the shelves at you?

The Philadelphia Lawyer: My wife’s hot, and I’ve slept with enough women to know I’m not going to do any better. And anyway, having seen the quality of chicks you collect with anything but top shelf, A-List fame, I say “pass.” It’s cliche, but ultimately, you want a chick who wants you for you. Not some Hospitality Services major from ASU who wants to f*ck a “like… real, published book-writing guy.”

What would you like to say to the nice folks over at Publishers Weekly who had this flattering statement to say about you, “Other people barely seem to exist for him: of his future wife we learn little more than that she has a dancer’s ass and amazing n*pples”?

The Philadelphia Lawyer: I’d say what I said in the Author’s Note: “Lighten up, Francis.” Have a sense of humor. I’d also say there’s no individual less qualified for his or her job than a critic.

Has writing in the brutally honest tone that you write in lost you any friends or worse, women? Or do you keep your writing from the people in your life?

The Philadelphia Lawyer: We observe a detente under which nobody discusses it. I promised to keep everyone protected and disguised and they agreed not to give a damn what I wrote.

A lot of our readers debate that you shouldn’t ditch your boys when your out drinking to go get some ass. What is your stance on that? Do you think its acceptable to cut out for a romp with a hot piece of ass?

The Philadelphia Lawyer: How is that a debate? Of course you ditch. A guy who’d whine about that needs a slap. Or to reassess his sexuality.

What is your advice for the Bro who is looking to practice law?

The Philadelphia Lawyer: Don’t. Google this term: “Mature Industry.” That means there’s a labor glut, and the value of the skill in the future will trend downward, with at best an occasional flattening. Spending $100k to get on that merry-go-round isn’t foolish, it’s madness.

What’s next for The Philadelphia Lawyer? Any plans to turn this into a movie?

The Philadelphia Lawyer: We sold an option for TV and movie rights once and we’re confident we’ll do it again. Could it ever get made? Who knows. I’m not going to pretend to have the slightest clue how Hollywood works.

Check back tomorrow for a BroBible exclusive by The Philadelphia Lawyer. The topic: “You’re Not Getting Laid Because…”