As Jealousy Fills the ‘Ruins,’ Ibis and Wes Finally Get Their Walking Papers
[inline:ibis]As a Mets fan unable to fully immerse myself in a World Series between the Yankees and the Phillies, I looked to Wednesday night’s episode of MTV’s “Real World/Road Rules Challenge” to fill my need for athletics. Unfortunately, it was rather light on drama and the result from the head-to-head competition in the Ruins proved to be the highlight of the show. We’ve grown to expect better from MTV’s production staff. What is MTV paying the producers for if they can’t put together some drama? There wasn’t even much alcohol involved in last night’s episode. Next time, have an ice luge magically appear by the pool area with a few bottles of Fleischmann’s vodka in unlabeled containers. This will lead to at least two fights, five exposed b**bs, and six killer hangovers. C’mon people!
Johnny’s Brain is Full of Bananas:
Never loved by female competitors, Johnny Bananas continued to make enemies and prove to the world that the only thing he can execute properly is a decline bench press. It all starts when Veronica overhears Johanna, Ibis, and Susie setting up a plan to send her to the Ruins. Veronica goes to her former f*ck-buddy Evan for sympathy and support, but he doesn’t budge at the time. Evan later says that he likes to have Veronica around because she’s got big tits and a big ass. Frankly, we’re not gonna argue with him.
Everyone knows the plan to send Veronica in as the Champions enter the deliberation room, but Evan pusses out and doesn’t nominate Veronica directly against Kelly Anne. His dick-brained behavior forces the whole team to be involved in the voting process. Syrus enters the fray without knowing what’s happened in the deliberation room so far and nominates Ibis to take on Kimberly. This is where things get fun. There are still enough people aware of the original plan and Veronica should be sent in regardless.
Enter Johnny Bananas. When it comes time to vote, he says “My vote… it’s f*cking useless” and goes along with Syrus’s vote. Apparently the meathead has a problem adding because once the public vote is finished, Ibis vs. Kimberly beats out Veronica vs. Kelly Anne by one vote. By the skin of her beef curtains, Veronica escapes. Why the f*ck did Johnny think his vote wouldn’t count? T.J. clearly stated the reason for the rest of the Champions being involved. This is the difference between Johnny and Evan. Evan’s a mastermind who always gets what he wants. Johnny is a f*ckwad who shits the bed and then gets to have Ibis ball him out in the room. Not that the Champions should be all that upset that Ibis is going home. She’s dead weight, she’s frumpy, and she doesn’t seem cock hungry. What’s the point of having her around?
Johanna is the Jealous Type:
Johanna has acted like a jealous tw*t this season and the reasoning was finally exposed last night. While sitting on the couch in a black tank top during the end of the episode, her b**bs looked a little pancakey. Most men would prefer a pair of real cans to fake ones of the same size, assuming we’re not dealing with a Bisquick situation. Maybe Wes got out at the right time. On the flip side, Johanna seems envious of the fact that Kelly Anne’s fake cans have lured Wes.
Johanna can’t seem to stay away from Wes despite her constant ripping of him. She shows emotion towards Wes when he loses to Cohutta in the Ruins and can’t deal with all the questioning at the end of the episode. She says she doesn’t like Kelly Anne, but can’t explain why. Here’s why… it’s because she’s hot and she’s banging your ex-boyfriend. Get over yourself.
Wes is Also the Jealous Type:
It’s obviously hard to handle a situation where your ex is in the same residence as you for a few weeks, but these people know what they’re signing up for. Just like Johanna, Wes isn’t able to handle his shit either. He thinks Cohutta still has feelings for Kelly Anne, when that isn’t necessarily obvious to anyone else. Cohutta is smart enough to realize that his time with Kelly Anne is in the past, but Wes isn’t on board with that. Despite being with Wes, Kelly Anne likes any attention Cohutta is willing to show her and says they still have a connection. This proves, once again, that all women are hoes except your mother and your sister. Don’t ever forget that.
Wes announces from the beginning of the episode that he’s going to challenge Cohutta if he ends up in the Ruins because he’s jealous and he thinks Cohutta wouldn’t have a chance against him. Wes doesn’t think anyone would ever have a chance against him, so that second statement shouldn’t surprise anyone.
The Actual Results:
I’d love to get into more non-result worthy storylines, but there were none. The first 20 minutes of the episode might’ve been the least exciting of the whole season. The competition called “Block Party” was the most physical of any competition so far. The teams had to carry blocks over to an area and then build a stairway with the blocks to hit a gong elevated over the playing field. Before teams can build the stairway, members from the other team must be physically removed from the pole holding up the elevated gong. Since the Champions had a numerical advantage, they were only allowed to use the players nominated for the Ruins.
The Challengers use Casey as a pole defender because she admittedly loves pole. Yeah, she does! Cohutta puts up a surprisingly good fight against Kenny pulling him off the pole, an indicator of things to come. The Challenger girls were rather useless, unable to move Veronica in good time. Then again, it was probably hard for them to carry all the weight in her ass. Evan ended up being the key to the competition because the Challengers couldn’t move him off the pole. The Champions, once again, won pretty decisively.
The competition in the Ruins was called “The Spool,” where the competitors would untangle a rope that was wound around a bunch of bamboo poles. The catch was that the rope was connected to them. Wes volunteers himself to go into the Ruins, earning some respect from Kenny and Evan. As was already mentioned above, he had chosen Cohutta because he thought he was an easy target. Boy did that turn out to be wrong. The Spool was perfect for Cohutta because Wes’ physical advantage had no bearing. The producers could’ve done a better job with how the final was shown as the nature of the upset could’ve been portrayed more dramatically. In any event, Cohutta wins and Wes finally goes home.
We touched on how Ibis ended up against Kimberly in the Ruins and it wasn’t much of a competition. Kimberly wins pretty easily, Ibis goes home, and the Champions lose some dead weight for the final.
Still to come:
Evan and Veronica talk under the sheets next week. If Evan’s smart, he’ll use his power in the house to bang out Veronica one more time. The challenge seems to involve some prickly fruit that hits Syrus in the junk a few times. Finally, Johnny and Derek appear to get into a brawl, but neither looks bruised up in the post-fight conversation. It’ll be interesting to see how that started… “