Boo Ya!! Vaccine Shots for AIDS and Herpes Are on the (Distant) Horizon

by 11 years ago

[inline:ned]The Associated Press is reporting that there will (one day) be a vaccine for virtually everything under the sun. According to the article published today, “Malaria. Tuberculosis. Alzheimer’s disease. AIDS. Pandemic flu. Genital herpes. Urinary tract infections. Grass allergies. Traveler’s diarrhea. You name it, the pharmaceutical industry is working on a vaccine to prevent it.” That yields two questions: What won’t these shots cure? And what the f*ck is traveler’s diarrhea? Whatever it happens to be, I hope it’s fatal.

Two weeks in a row our dicks have something to smile about. First the Cunt Restoration Society informed us of their diligent pursuit to rectify fallen vag*nas and now it appears condoms will be rendered useless in the (distant) future. All of that wasted latex is going to be bad for the environment but extremely sensational for our Johnsons.

In just five years, five short years, some of these vaccines may be on the market (the point of the AP story, by the way, is that Big Pharma is turning to developing vaccines, which up until a couple years ago only garnered a tiny portion of the drug market, to supplement profits from prescription medicine). So sit tight because I have a feeling that the brains behind this operation will pump out the important ones first. After all, no one really gives a shit about grass allergies or pandemic flu. And only pussies get pandemic flu, so I’m sure that will never even make it to production.

The wait is almost over, friends; the day to have unprotected sex with no boils or swollen lymph nodes attached is almost here. Be patient. “