After Sanchez’s Botched Slide, the Rest of the Week 13 NFL Picks

by 9 years ago

[inline:slide]After Mark Sanchez injured his left knee last week, the Jets brought in Joe Girardi to teach him how to slide on Tuesday. Then the young lad goes out and dives head first for a first down last night and injures his right knee. The Jets must not have shaded that part red in his playbook. Maybe if Rex Ryan holds his hand while he’s in the huddle, he’ll get the point. First the hot dog, then coming to the podium with prepared cue cards, and now this. It’s been an interesting rookie season for the Trojan man. I brought in Danny Sheridan to help me make this week’s picks. If they go downhill, the blame is on him.

Locks of The Week:

Tennessee (+6.5) over INDIANAPOLIS

It’s rather amazing how far things have come in the last five weeks. The Titans were 0-6. Vince Young was inserted as the starting quarterback. Even Jeff Fisher was rumored to get fired. Fast forward to the present and I’m picking a team which has won its last five games with the AFC Player of the Month, Chris Johnson, against an undefeated team I’ve been riding to cover victories all season. No homo. The fact that the Colts were able to breakaway in the fourth quarter from a mediocre Texans team last week might have some people leaning in their direction, but not me. I’m on board with VY for the time being. Now show me what you’re gonna do TEN! Don’t let me down.

Minnesota (-3.5) over ARIZONA

Arizona’s offense is a shell of its former self with Matt Leinart at quarterback. They weren’t exactly throwing the ball down the field with Warner this year, but watching them operate on offense now is rather tragic. It’s like walking into your 10-year high school reunion and seeing the hottest chick from your year show up with a life preserver around her waist and a set of teeth that require the same orthodontist Michael Strahan needs to see. Believe me when I say that’s not a pleasant sight. You also have to embrace everything Jared Allen brings to the table these days. I’m gonna start growing a mullet so I can put that second R in party. Who’s with me?

CHICAGO (-9) over St. Louis

Two weeks ago I said I wasn’t backing Jay Cutler until further notice. I got the Eagles/Bears game right. Then last week I completely ignored my previous statement in picking the Bears to cover against the Vikings. Naturally I got that game wrong. This week I looked into the numbers and saw the Bears are 1-6 ATS in their last seven games, but all their opponents were pretty decent. They’re 3-0 ATS this year against teams that now sit with 4 losses or less. They welcome the 1-10 Rams to town. See where I’m going here?

Trap Games of the Week:

Houston (PK) over JACKSONVILLE

Both these teams put up extremely mediocre performances last week. This week, however, plays to both teams’ strengths as the Jaguars sport a winning home record and the Texans’ road record tells the same story. I really have no idea what to expect from either team in this game, so it’s unplayable.

KANSAS CITY (+4.5) over Denver

This is another idea I really don’t feel strongly about. I’m willing to throw out the Chiefs’ performance last week because the Chargers are rolling like a f*cking freight train right now. The number wouldn’t normally scare me away from the Broncos, but something’s holding me back. The Broncos are 1-7 in their last eight games in Arrowhead during December.

Rest of the Picks:

Philadelphia (-5.5) over ATLANTA

The Falcons have been sleepwalking for a few weeks now, while the Eagles have been playing solid football. Philadelphia’s pass-first attack should go to work on Atlanta’s secondary even without Desean Jackson healthy.

Tampa Bay (+6) over CAROLINA

Matt Moore vs. Josh Freeman sounds like a matchup made in heaven. Where’s Dave Brown when you need him? It’s quite amazing how the Panthers haven’t prepared a backup quarterback over the last five years. Didn’t they learn anything when Delhomme only played 3 games in ’07? It’s been six years since the f*cking Super Bowl. He sucks and Matt Moore sure as hell ain’t the answer.

Detroit (+14) over CINCINNATI

Cincy hasn’t covered spreads of 9 and 12 in the last two weeks. Why? Was it because their offense wasn’t working properly without Benson or something else? Look a little closer and you’ll see the Bengals have only twice scored over 24 points. That’s not the kinda team you wanna back to cover a double digit spread.

PITTSBURGH (-14.5) over Oakland

Like I said yesterday, Tomlin is going to have a fire lit under his team’s ass. By the way, it looks like playing football games in Oakland makes NFL players hungry. First Sanchez wanted some hot dogs and now this. Look at what’s tucked into Russell’s pants. Taste the rainbow.

WASHINGTON (+9.5) over New Orleans

Don’t look now, but the Redskins have covered three in a row. A letdown by the Saints is expected and I’ve been harping all year that the strength of the Skins defense is their ability to defend the pass.

MIAMI (+5.5) over New England

I think all the “Jersey Shore” intake is going to my head because I don’t have a good brain for rationalizing games this week. 73.9% of America likes the Patriots this week. Vegas seems to be on a nice roll, so I’ll side with them on this one.

San Diego (-13.5) over CLEVELAND

In their six-game winning streak, the Chargers have only once scored less than 24 points. I’m thinking they push the Cleveland defense for 30 and there’s no way the Browns are scoring more than 14 points against a legit defense. These aren’t the Lions they’re playing.

Dallas (-2) over N.Y. GIANTS

Tony Romo may suck in December, but I’m of the opinion that you never want to give your opponent extra incentive. Eli did that. God help us, Giants fans.

San Francisco (+0.5) over SEATTLE

The Seahawks have covered in all four game they’ve won this season. They’ve never covered in a loss. I guess that makes this line apropos. I’ll take the less dysfunctional team.

GREEN BAY (-3) over Baltimore

Without Terrell Suggs, an already questionable pass rush gets even worse for Baltimore. I know Dennis Dixon is quick, but you’re telling me they couldn’t get any sacks on the rookie last week? Long live the Aaron Rodgers beard!!

Season Record: 89-70-2 (56.0%)

Last week: 7-8-1

Survivor: 10-1

Locks: 19-18 “


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