UPDATED: Taking The Gloves Off For The Week 16 NFL Picks
[inline:manny]You’ll find very few people who like a great pay-per-view boxing fight more than me, so I was incredibly disappointed last night when I heard that the highly anticipated Manny Pacquiao vs. Floyd Mayweather Jr. fight may be off. Neither fighter got injured, the promoters agreed to get along, and distribution of the purse wasn’t the issue here. Usually those are the only things that prevent fights from happening. This time it’s drug testing. Floyd Mayweather’s camp wants Olympic-style drug testing leading up to the fight with blood samples as opposed to the standard urinary samples that would occur regularly. There is some skepticism in the Mayweather camp that Pacquiao was only able to successfully move up in weight because he had been getting steroid shipments from a “Ronnie” located in Seaside Heights, N.J. Pacquiao refused to take blood tests because he’s very superstitious and doesn’t want to change his pre-fight training with blood testing. In his public statement, Mayweather admits that no one wants to take blood with a needle, but he feels as if the sport deserves the best sportsmanship the fighters can provide.
Floyd is full of shit. He’s f*cking scared! He’s watched some tape, talked to some people, and he realizes Pacquiao might actually beat his ass. It’s not like Pacquiao has put on 30 pounds. He’s put on 15 pounds in five years! That doesn’t seem that odd to me. Can the sport of boxing ever get anything right? They’ve finally been gifted with a legit mega-fight (not some dog-and-pony show with Oscar De La Hoya, who was never as good as people wanted him to be) and it’s getting pissed away. It’s bad enough that we have to deal with multiple title belts, a variety of rules across different states, and donkey-ass promoters who rape their clients of their wages. Now we get robbed of a fight because the best fighter in the game is comes up a little short on his testicular hubris. Some of you may argue that Pacquaio should take the blood tests or else he’s hiding something. That’s a fair point, but how come this hasn’t come up before? Why is it Mayweather starting shit as usual?
Thankfully we don’t have to deal with that in the NFL. We get to enjoy a week where two AFC teams are 8-6 and another 6 are 7-7. We get to see things settled on the field. Despite the fact that the Vikings and Saints lost this past week, we’re looking forward to watching them fight it out in January. And if one of them doesn’t get there, it’ll take a “Favre loses to the Packers” or a “Drew Brees caught in Bourbon Street sex scandal” to derail that from happening and we’ll be intrigued by the story line. Now someone get my needle ready so I can deliver my Week 16 picks…
Locks of the Week:
PHILADELPHIA (-7) over Denver
All year I’ve been taking flack from the readers that I don’t give the Eagles credit. Fine, you want some credit?? Here you go! I’m locking ’em up this week to please the public and because their offense has become rather unstoppable despite the lack of Brian Westbrook. Imagine how many Super Bowls the Eagles could’ve played in had they had actual receivers in the McNabb era. They made the Super Bowl during the only season they had a real receiver (T.O.) and the rest of the time they kept losing games because they couldn’t make big plays offensively. DeSean Jackson changes all that.
N.Y. Jets (+6) over INDIANAPOLIS
Despite a complete effort during last week’s game, I’m not convinced the Colts will be going full bore this week. The Jets have one of the best defenses in the league and once the Colts take a few hits, Coach Caldwell will be pulling his studs off the field.
Minnesota (-7) over CHICAGO
I will not back Jay Cutler. I will not back Jay Cutler. I will not back Jay Cutler. Happy Holidays to the Vikings.
Trap Game of the Week:
NEW ENGLAND (-7.5) over Jacksonville
Jacksonville will be fighting for their lives on Sunday, but their road performances this year have been so poor that I don’t think they’ll be able to get it done. The Patriots should be able to dominate the weak Jag secondary and the Jags don’t necessarily have the weapons to beat up on a questionable Patriots defense. All that said, it’s hard to put any bank on the line when one team is that much more motivated than the other team.
The Rest of the Picks:
TENNESSEE (-3) over San Diego
The Titans blew a huge lead last week, but were able to grab the win in overtime. They have the ability to further the fairy tail story against a Chargers team that has absolutely nothing to play for on Christmas.
Kansas City (+14) over CINCINNATI
Cincinnati has won nine times this season, but only once have they won by more than 14 points. Every other win has been by 10 points or less. I’m backing Kansas City like an idiot again (which I’m sure KCbro will like), so God help me.
Oakland (+3.5) over CLEVELAND
Last week the Raiders did everything they could to beat the Broncos. Tommy Kelly even tried to wrap up tacklers with his dong. Sadly, Oakland now holds the title for feistiest team in the league. I refuse to put any faith in Derek Anderson, who’s back starting for Cleveland, so take the points.
Buffalo (+9) over Atlanta
It’s amazing how much respect the Falcons get after they get gifted a victory last week thanks to the Jets’ kicking game. Their secondary still sucks and even the crummy Bills can take advantage of it.
ATLANTA (-9) over Buffalo
Early in the week I liked Buffalo’s chances against a shitty Falcons secondary. Then Brian Brohm took the practices all week and is slated to start. Yikes!
GREEN BAY (-14) over Seattle
I hope everyone is as tired of the Seahawks as I am. It’s a disgrace that they’ve even won five games. The Matt Hasselbeck era is over. Let’s please get a new f*cking quarterback in there next year.
Houston (+3) over MIAMI
The Texans should’ve beaten the Rams by a largin margin last week, but is it possible they were saving a little for a better team? They can stop the run, which plays right into the Dolphins’ offensive strength. We saw last week that Chad Henne isn’t good enough to win a game by himself. We’re going to see it again.
NEW ORLEANS (-14) over Tampa Bay
To say last week was a wake-up call for the Saints should be an understatement. I expect them to roll out a heavy offensive gameplan to prove to America, and themselves, that they’re ready for the playoffs.
N.Y. GIANTS (-6.5) over Carolina
News came across the wire this week that Brooklyn native Jerry Ferrara (aka Turtle from Entourage) and Jamie-Lynn Siegler broke up. The guy was playing way over his head, so this should be no surprise to anyone. It’s a surprise it even lasted as long as it did. What’s a prime piece of ass like her doing messing around with a dude like that anyway? I guess it gives hope to you bros out there that even if you live in your parents’ house and do nothing but play World of Warcraft, there’s hope for you yet. As for the game, the Giants actually looked like a real team on Monday night. Here’s hoping it continues.
PITTSBURGH (-2.5) over Baltimore
Are the Steelers back? They still can’t stop the pass, but neither can the Ravens. I think the Steelers smell blood in the water. It’s go time!
ARIZONA (-14) over St. Louis
Keith Null on the road = no thanks.
Detroit (+12) over SAN FRANCISCO
What does it say about a quarterback when the coach says he’s a better reliever than a starter? It’s not the Tigers we’re talking about here. I’m thinking the Niners go up by 17 and then Drew Stanton comes outta the bullpen throwing high heat to make the late cover.
Washington (+7) over DALLAS
What the hell was that trick play the Redskins ran last week? Not only did they run such an inept play, but they ran it after the Giants saw the formation, and called a timeout to get ready for it. Jim Zorn is asking to get fired mid-game. It’s still December, however, the Cowboys aren’t as good as what you saw last week, and the Redskins aren’t as bad.
Season Record: 107-99-3 (51.9%)
Last Week: 5-10-1
Locks: 21-25 “