Boobs Glorious Boobs: Study Says Staring at Breasts Increases Life Span

by 9 years ago


[inline:waff]Ever since the day women started sprouting breasts, men have been staring holes through them. Hell, if our eyes had laser beams in them, our world would be full of titless women. Nothing will ever stop you, me, or any other man from our pursuit of cleavage. It wouldn’t matter if we were conducting emergency open heart surgery and time was of the utmost importance. If we caught a set of feedbags on a nurse on the other side of the operating room, we would take 10 to 15 seconds to admire them in all their gelatinous glory, and eventually get back to tying up that aorta. Some might consider all that gawking to be inappropriate or perverted, but if I were to tell you that staring at a set of gigantic b**bs for 30 minutes a day would increase your life span, would you believe me? You f*cking better.


You could make the argument that anytime you become excited, especially sexually, your heart rate rises and you would gain some medical benefit from it. According to an article we found on The Med Guru, doctors in Germany claim that, “Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female, is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out.” This outstanding result was concluded after performing five years of research on 500 men. All of whom were not me.


Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist and head of titty research at Mammoth Mammary Labs (fictitious establishment) goes on to say, “Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years.” If you’re skilled in the art of tit stalking, such as me, a few minutes a day and an extra four to five years sounds like the goal of a lesser man. With this new information, you could conceivably live for all eternity.


This study may make me feel slightly better about being a pervert who can’t keep his eyes to himself but I think it is safe to safe that even if it claimed that staring at breasts could cause cancer or could potentially blind you, I would not stop or even blink in this case. After all, look at the countless warnings and red flags tossed around regarding the perils of unprotected sex. If that hasn’t fazed us, nothing will.


For your enjoyment and personal well being, here are a few milk wagons to kick start your day. Stare at each for one minute to supplement your usual wandering eye.



[Celeb photos via Manofest] “