Snookie Makes Birthday Appearances and Takes Punches On Another Episode of ‘Jersey Shore’

by 9 years ago

[inline:pauly]While you and I were out crushing champagne and making bad decisions on New Year’s Eve, MTV decided to air a new episode of “Jersey Shore.” I doubt any of you were actually home watching it at the time (if so, shame on you for ringing in the new year like a p*ssy), but it definitely provided nice hangover TV viewing on New Year’s Day if you weren’t watching college football or the NHL Winter Classic. It was nice to see the bar I was at in Boston show the episode without sound on one of its TVs because watching Pauly D on the wheels of steel brings a smile to your face as you close out yet another year.

In case you were throwing up all day, spent all day in bed with a girl whose self-proclaimed “Jersey Shore” nickname is “The Disaster,” or started the new year with a 72-hour drinking binge, we’re here to provide you with a recap of what you missed from last week’s episode. Now that the clock has turned to 2010, we only have three episodes remaining. Start planning your finale viewing parties (costume encouraged) and make the most of it.

Rent a Snickers:

Before we dive into this week’s episode, I felt it was worth discussing the appearance fees that “Jersey Shore” cast members are receiving for making event appearances. The Situation and Pauly D are expensive at $7,500 a person, but you can get Snickers for only $2,000. Discussion has already started with my friends about hiring Snickers to come to one of our birthday parties in March. Imagine the novelty of her beating up the beat at your buddy’s birthday. There’s definitely someone in the room who’d be willing to take her down just for the story. It seems like a great idea. Feel free to disagree.

Ronnie is a Good Friend:

I’ve already mentioned in this space how the relationship between Ronnie and Sammi is highly irritating. Now it’s gone so far that I find their personalities unbearable as well. Take Ronnie for example. He becomes highly irritated with The Situation when he’s “creeping” on girls after Snickers got knocked out, instead of wanting to go directly back to the house. He calls him a bad friend and tries to gossip about how The Situation was buying shots that led to the altercation. He tries to prove he’s a good friend by comforting Snickers, telling her the house loves her and cares about her. So far, I’ve got no problem with what he’s doing…

The crew rolls to “F-Cove” for a boat party and Ronnie turns into a shit sandwich. He and Sammi are tired and want to go home although everyone else is still having fun. He gets aggravated that Snickers won’t leave (she was flirting with another one of her “dream guys”) so he swims over to the boat she’s on, puts her on his shoulders, and dumps her into the water. You just made a big deal about how you’re there for her and you care about her yet you drop the poor girl face-first into the water? All the protein must be going to his brain.

The next night Pauly D is working the turntables at Karma and everyone is having a good time except for Ronnie and Sammi. Sammi starts b*tching about how she wants to go home and Ronnie folds quickly to her demands like he’s got some sand in his vag*nal folds. Ronnie, I thought you were a good friend? You can’t man-up and tell your girl she can suck it up for a couple hours to represent for your boy Pauly D, who you haven’t had anything but nice things to say about? Fuck that. You’re a hypocritical b*tch.

Ask the Audience:

Unlike other episodes, I feel like this one had a few thought provoking situations. Feel free to state opinions in the comments section along with your thoughts on Ronnie being a hypocrite.

  • Should The Situation (or someone else) have tried to go harder after the teacher who threw the punch at Snooki? (Jwoww is the only one who threw a few punches.) All the guys are fired up afterwards, but where were they right away?
  • Should The Situation have stopped “creeping on broads” after Snooki got knocked out or was he just doing what he had to do?
  • Should Vinny get thrown out of the house by Danny for hooking up with Tonya the Cougar because Danny went on a date with Tonya that same night and was at the club with her? (Congrats to Vinny, by the way, for finally getting some ass)

    Here are my thoughts in order.

  • The Situation was a b*tch and the video shows he makes no attempt to even break up the fight, let alone throw a punch. You have to at least do something to get in there and mix it up. You can’t just back away.
  • I’ll take Pauly D’s cue on whether or not to “creep” because he seems to have his shit together better than anyone else. If he’s not chasing ass in that situation, you shouldn’t be either. You’ve got a rolodex and there’s always tomorrow night.
  • Vinny shouldn’t get thrown out of the house because Danny’s a f*cking moron. Why are you bringing your girl to a club like Karma after a date? You’re just asking for trouble. Then you don’t even assert yourself at all. Vinny’s a good guy. If you had at least made it somewhat known that this girl came with you, he would’ve backed off. You just floated around like a douche. It’s your own damn fault. Don’t take it out on the kid.

    Memorable Quotes:

  • “He’s never gonna be able to walk the earth again.” –Vinny, in reference to the teacher who hit Snookie (and he was right)
  • “Relax, drink your mimosa, smoke another cigarette” –Ronnie, to his mom as they wait for Sammi to get ready
  • “They’re alive when you kill it. That’s disgusting!” –Snookie, on why she doesn’t like eating lobsters
  • “I would give her f*cking bubble gum. A picture of my dick and a packet of bubble gum and say ‘chew on this.’ ” –Ronnie, when talking about Jwoww’s boyfriend sending her flowers after he got cheated on and somehow lost his balls.

    Still to come:

    Danny looks to send Vinny packing for hooking up with Tonya. Snookie gets smacked by a fat cow, who came to the house because she “probably smelled food.” Vinny thinks The Situation’s sister looks just like him with a wig on. Finally, Ronnie throws down on the boardwalk and the cops show up. Seems like another doozy… “