College Chick Breakdowns: The Girls of Indiana University

by 8 years ago


Note from Waffles: College Chick Breakdowns is a weekly piece that sets out to explore all different types of chicks that one might encounter at a certain institution of higher learning. To date, with your help, we have dissected six universities (links to those can be found after the post). If you have the urge to talk about the girls at your school or alma mater, email me at

Today, our endless journey to find amazing college chicks takes us to Bloomington, Indiana, a town known for its mind blowing rock quarries and its rich basketball tradition. After last week’s Hopkins experiment, we thought it would be best to revert back to our bread and butter and that is to profile a school filled with gorgeous girls, all of whom possess a disgusting fondness for male genitalia. That is why we are hopping on our John Deeres and heading to Indiana University.


When it comes to important subject matter like girls, partying, and mind-demolishing drugs, Indiana University certainly boasts an impressive resume. The charming ladies of IU have been featured in Playboy’s “Girls of the Big Ten” issue and for a good part of the last decade, Playboy ranked IU as the fourth largest party school in the nation. Tragically, in 2009, they somehow slipped to #24 — school officials must have raided all the meth labs or something. Regardless of why they dropped in the standings, for a school not located in a major city (no offense to Bloomington) to be ranked so high is still rather remarkable.

The Looks Department

To fully understand the breadth of their women, I am told that if you do not go to IU, you must visit during Welcome Week, a big tailgate weekend, Halloween, or the Little 500 (which, to my knowledge, is not a stampede of dwarves). One source told me that the plethora of babes he was exposed too during his visits was enough to commit to IU without ever seeing the campus until orientation, an admission that must make his mother and father so proud.


With 40,000 undergraduates, the number of dimes that roam the campus on a daily basis is startling. When walking around the campus, you will find an eclectic mix of babes that will undoubtedly satisfy every sexual palette; from city girls to farmers daughters, you really cant go wrong. After all, if these chicks are good enough to grace the pages of Playboy, then they are probably good enough for you to look at without causing you indigestion or aggressive diarrhea.

Sex Life

As luck would have it, the babes at IU are not only smokin’ hot but they’re DTF as well. Not all girls at the school live a promiscuous lifestyle, but one source tells us that as long as you supply some alcohol and play your cards right you can definitely find yourself heading home with a fine-ass lady whose field could use a good plowing.

When it comes to hooking up, the girls at IU aren’t just relegated to the bedroom; they have no shame when it comes to getting filthy in public. Every now and then you will find people f*cking in the stacks of the library, the dorm shower (as our one source did), or even in the restrooms in the dining hall.

Party Habits

The bars in Bloomington stay open until 3 a.m. and it’s likely that they will look like a ghost town until around 1 a.m. because everyone is still pre-gaming. The big nights, like in most colleges, are Thursday to Saturday, but at IU there is always something (or someone) to do for those perpetual partyers.

According to our IU insiders, there are two weeks where any bro is guaranteed to see titties in his face and a vag*na latched onto his dick and those are Welcome Week and the Little 500 (which is still not a potato sack race for midgets).


The Little 500 is actually a week-long bike race that is held annually at Bill Armstrong Stadium. To put the magnitude of this event into perspective, Lance Armstrong (yes, that Lance Armstrong) said that the race was “the coolest event I ever attended.” During this week of blacked-out drunkenness, the school is an absolute shit show and it is commonplace to make girls flash their fun bags in order to get drinks at house parties. These requests are usually met with little to no resistance whatsoever.

Another spectacular event during the Little 500 involving the ladies of IU is the pudding wrestling tournament. Although there is a strict no-guys-in-the-pools policy, the IU broads are going at it like convicts and often times they are doing it completely topl*ss. Playboy U photographers even show up to witness this divine spectacle.

Besides the annual events and party scene, IU’s tailgates have more people in attendance than the actual football games. Students go completely ape shit at these tailgates, they get so f*cked up that they begin to shower each other in alcohol, which is a waste of good booze if you ask me.

Greek Life

Although the Greek system consists of 23 percent of the school, I am told that it is not an overwhelming presence on campus. The girls are so selective during rush that the freshmen must return a week early before second semester begins to rush them. There are 24 sororities on campus and they are filled with mostly down-to-earth hot chicks from all over the country that are down for dirty sex.

Here is how the girls at IU stack up in certain areas:

Hotness: A-

Willingness to f*ck (DTF): A-

Daddy’s bank roll: B+

Alcohol Consumption: B+

Intelligence: B

Chillness: A

Interest in Athletics: B+

Maintenance Level: C

Prevalence of Fake Tits: C

Overall Grade: B+

For those of you who have sent in some info regarding the kinds of tomatoes found in the gardens at your school, here is a list of the breakdowns that will be coming in the next month or so. Thanks again for all of your help, without it these articles would not be possible.


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