These Stories Of The Most NSFW Things Seen At Office Parties Make Corporate America Look Like The ‘Bang Bus’
Without getting into specifics, I will say that after reading through the stories below of the most NSFW things ever witnessed at office parties and gatherings that our BroBible Holiday Party can hang with the best of them because I’ve seen some memorable shit over the years. With that in mind, BroBible’s a blog for bros and not a buttoned-up office where people are expected to conduct themselves with the decorum expected at a place like Deloitte or Morgan Stanley. Below, a bunch of people shared stories of the most NSFW things they’ve ever witnessed at office parties/gatherings and these are LIT. As expected, some of these are NSFW in nature, but it’s all just words (via AskReddit):
We bought our boss Sexy Santa lingerie as a gag gift. She tried it on in front of us and proceeded to do a strip tease dance all the while screaming out how her husband was going to love this. She’s 54.
Worked at polish retirement home.
Christmas party every year is held in the residents party room.
Approximately 30 late 40s/early 50s polish women pounded back the Voldka like they shouldn’t have been alive afterwards.
Many insane things each year. Always some passed out, always some of them competed to get the attention of the one and only male – the crazy drunk maintenance man, and always at least one person ended up crying. Once they all happened at once:
Nurses got blasted.
Maintenance dude got blasted.
Nurses had him sit with them at one of the tables.
They played some weird ass drinking game as best I could tell.
They would make out with him, then take a shot after.
Then they all cheer.
Eventually I hear chanting and look over. One of the girls is on her knees now, quite sure she blowing him. Except the chanting sounds more like yelling. Look closer she doesn’t seem to be moving.
One of the other women is moving to, I wasn’t sure, help the other one suck him off?
Nope, she grabs the girl under the shoulders and pulls her off the guys dick and I hear horrible coughing and the girl lands on her back. The guys dick is at full mast as he bursts out crying.
The guys starts muttering something about how he almost killed her. He’s balling. Dick is still out and waving around.
The girl / woman is on the floor and coughing but one of the other “nurses” tries to give her mouth to mouth.
Far as I could tell I think the head giver passed out sucking the guy and choked on his cock but was out so cold she was just gonna die.
So someone tries to do CPR on the now conscious woman and ms dicksucker doesn’t want (or need it), so they start fighting/wrestling on the ground and the chanting starts again.
Dude is still crying with his dick out but now he’s standing over them yelling “don’t fight over me”
Now this is all during the day, and there are other workers on shift cause the place doesn’t shut down just cause of the party. So in burst a couple of sober nurses to help. Someone had radioed them for help cause of the person choking (on cock).
They burst in and yell “what the fuck?” And then the dude with his dick out turns around and faces them, and both scream and run out of the room.
First Christmas party at a tech startup.
Go to the bathroom towards the end of the night. Realize mid-piss that the sounds coming from the stall next mine are the CTO and his wife going at it. Step out of the stall and the CEO and some sales guys are doing lines. CEO sees me and shouts, “hey, it’s Jared!!” My name isn’t Jared.
He called me Jared for about 6mos after that until I pulled him aside and corrected him one day.
I went to a customer’s holiday party, it was a bit of a good old boy company, so it was at the shop and mostly drinking and grilling with funny awards. It was mandatory and had a dress code, so all these guys were as cleaned up as they could get, but in clothes that didn’t fit right anymore/ever and whatnot. Also a sausage fest since women are rare in industry and most if the guys were bachelors.
The guys drank like it was water in the desert and decided to move it to a local bar they frequent. Well that bar was hosting the holiday party for a lab and was a total clam bake until we showed up. You mix drunk nerdy girls and drunk manly men and you end up with a lot of finger banging and it ain’t discrete. It was a match made in heaven.
Absolutely no fallout, the female bartender was egging them on and the boss men had gone to a different bar. They often ran into those girls at lunch there, but there were no repeat performances.
When things get weird…
Went out for drinks with coworkers after service ( it was a lunch focused restaurant) and by the end of the night, one of our cashiers decided to lactate on me from across the table…
GM (guy) and controller (girl) were grinding on the dance floor. GM’s wife confronts them on the dance floor in front of everyone, “Is this the whore you’ve been fucking?” Needle off the record moment. The controller’s husband had been suspicious for a while and considered this confirmation. Both couples divorced shortly after. GM and controller are now married.
We had a “Mardi Gras” themed holiday party. One guy decided to bring his saxophone and be a “jazz man”. Normal enough, right? Well, he also thought that to be a jazz man, he needed to show up in blackface. Luckily, this is rural Wisconsin and no one at the company was black so we all just got really really drunk and told him he’s an idiot.
Our company Christmas party had a tequila ice luge. One of our class A drivers got so wasted he was doing flips on the dance floor and juggling corona bottles, then he went and sat on a 19 year old girls lap and her mom went ballistic. He was kicked out and proceeded to drive himself home. What a guy
We had a wine tasting for the managers with just some cheese, minor hors d’ouvres, etc. One particular manager got completely sloshed on wine and got super flirty with another manager from a different department who was significantly younger and good looking.
At some point, this young lady put some scented lotion on her hands. Smelling this, the drunk manager came over to her and pulled his dick out and asked her to put some lotion on there too. Right in the middle of the room and tasting.
I heard he was gone instantly. He was recently found out to currently be a tour guide on a duckboat and a bad one at that.
Work party. one guy took a shit in the toilet followed by grabbing the vacuum cleaner and sucking it all up.
My husband is a software engineer who works with a bunch of nerdy guys. One of them decided it would be a good idea to bring a gun and a hooker to the office christmas party. Security escorted him in to clean out his desk the next day.
Used to work for a big bank. We had a little potluck for Christmas, and long story short about 2 hours later, someone shit in the bathroom and smeared it literally, and I mean literally, all over the bathroom stalls. The wall, the stall door handle, the toilet sensor; fucking everywhere. It looked like a XXL Hershey bar stepped on an IED.
We never did quite catch the elusive poop handle bandit. Legend says he’s still out there, ravaging the latrines of financial institutions to this day.
Karaoke – Started with 2 assistants, both women, doing a ballad together.
In rapid succession, on the ‘stage’, and with plenty of drinks between the following things happened:
Those two women sing a few songs while clutching each other and giggling the entire time.
Some less than wholesome dancing together to a George Michael song.
Remaining on the ‘stage’ one of them sits in a rolling chair while the other serenades/gives a lapdance to her to Santa Baby.
At this point another woman in the office decides it’s best to throw some cold water on this party by cutting off the Karaoke and play a Christmas music CD, first song is All I Want for Christmas is You.
The two women turn this into what seems like the perfect song to sexy slowdance to, much caressing and grinding happening.
They are finally broken up once they start making out and light groping eachother while trying to hide behind a Santa hat that one of them is holding up covering their faces.
Coworker threw his desk chair out of a 4 story window after having a few too many.
I was the one who started giving him head in the middle of the party. It’s okay though, we’re still together to this day.
I worked at maccas and we had a work party. Some of the crew volunteered to run the night shift while the rest of us went 10pin bowling and drank scrumpies. I was a manager so I got to see the camera footage the next day. It was of me, walking around the restaurant and kitchen with my pants down, shaping my balls to look like a brain and making people look at my taught scrote. There were also brown-eyes and squashed-rats, which is where you press your dick and balls up against the glass. That was me in the drive-through window. I woke up horrified and knew I was in trouble.
There was a small fallout. I miraculously didn’t get fired, no one formally complained. My punishment was to wash car windows as they went through drive thru on my day off and donate the tips to the Ronald McDonald House charity.
Worked in a warehouse for a while, we had regular ‘awards nights’ where we’d all get fucked up and hand out stupid awards like driver of the year for the person who had the worst forklift accident, or who crashed a work car. Other things of note:
1. Doing lines with the boss off his desk every party
2. Married co-workers banging in the car park
3. The mentally handicapped (and very drunk) cleaner getting wrapped in packing tape by 3 guys
4. Having forklift races in the isles of the warehouse, forklifts being driven by guys who are plastered
5. Using forklifts to lift each other to the roof of the warehouse
I don’t miss my old job but damn I miss the parties
A group of girls pregamed the Christmas party pretty hard. They show up wearing prom dresses and twenty minutes later, the most smashed if the girls is out back with her prom dress hiked up above her waist, panties at her knees, bent over taking it from some dude. This set the tone for the rest of the night. Marriages were unintentionally put on hold so drunken coworkers could gain carnal knowledge of each other. Many walks of shame the following day.
My assistant gave a blowjob to one of my bosses at a bus stop while her boyfriend smoked cigars with our coworkers.
Last year’s work Christmas party. One woman (known for over drinking) over drank. She came to sit at the table I was at and proceeded to sit down… Where there wss no chair. Straight on her ass. Later that night she was grinding on one of the boss’s girlfriends and apparently tried to talk the boss and his girl into a 3-way.
She is still confused why she didn’t get the promotion she was going for at the time. That would have granted her a company credit card and had her taking clients out to dinners.
Christmas party. Married HR woman had an orgy with 5 of the warehouse workers. All still work there, HR woman is still married.
I joined a company and was hired by the new boss. Most of the tenured employees were against new boss and his new-hires. Every conversation was dependent on who was present and how private it was: bad environment.
Cue the team-builder! The majority of the team had worked together for a while and partied hard; the new people, including management, had no idea how bad of an idea a bar setting was.
We all got a meal and two drinks on the company’s dime. People were asking right away if they could trade their meal for more booze. After the budget was spent, you could see the managers trying to be fun and participate and just accept that it was a shitshow in the making. They excused themselves and left.
I was new and didn’t wanna ride the sinking ship, but I stayed for a while. The crew was great and fun. They obviously had a work relationship, and the bar setting brought out the intimacies that never had an opportunity to blossom completely.
Two people ended up hooking up, a bunch of people smoked weed in a car and the crazy thing was a girl showed everyone her fake tits to everyone at the bar.
There was a stronger bond after that. The management didn’t last, but I did. Better management came in after that and cleaned house, but that team-builder was the most ridiculous work thing I’ve ever been to. Saw tits.
DING DING DING!!! WE HAVE A WINNER.
I saw a woman squirt “champagne” from her vagina into the mouth of the woman who’d just inserted a champagne bottle into said vagina.
I worked as a porn editor at the time, so it was appropriate to the situation.
Bros! If you’ve got a crazy NSFW story from an office party and you think it’s good enough to be featured here you can fill out our anonymous ‘TIP OFF’ form, send me your story, and if it’s actually good I can include it here. Or you can drop your story down below in the comments! If you want to keep on reading through the AskReddit thread because there are plenty more of these stories you can do so by clicking HERE.