Big Time Players Make Big Time Plays in Our Bros of the Week
6. Haley Ann's Dad
Let's face it, you name your daughter “Haley Ann,” you've allowed her to skip the whole name-change step on her way to adult entertainment stardom. If that moniker doesn't scream nubile adult entertainment star, I don't know what does. It's uncertain what set her wheels in motion but perhaps the name had something to do with University of Auburn's Haley Ann wanting to pose for Playboy's Girls of the SEC issue. The best part is that her father practically doesn't give a shit that she's doing it. “He was a little hesitant to the idea at first,” Haley Ann says, “but he is being very supportive of me.” Allowing your daughter to do full-frontal in Playboy might not be the most Bro thing, and I suppose I shouldn't condone this either, but without fathers like this, the rest of us would be shellacking our cocks to the padded-bra section of a JCPenny catalog.
5. Jayson Carter
Does it get more impressive than a 4'9″, 130-pound college football player? Physically, sure, of course it does. But Jayson Carter is bacially the size of a portly third grader, so you have to give him credit for walking on to Rice's team.
4. Randy Marsh
3. Steve Leach
Without conviction, opinion, and an iron-fist mentality, a man's not a man. You have to admire a guy that remains vigilant to a cause, especially if said cause is a self-serving one. Steve's cause — if you haven't heard — is the preservation of his wife's preposterously sized tits. She wants to slice the 32 Double-J blessings on her chest smooth off, but Steve isn't having it. He loves her far too much as a large breasted member of society to have to live with her any other way.
2. DeMarco Murray
You might not know this about me, but I'm a bit of a f*ckin' speedster. Run a sub-5 40-yard dash. No big deal or anything. Just bein' an athlete. And while I'm not trying to downplay DeMarco's 253-yard performance against the hapless Rams by telling you about how fleet-of-foot I am, I think I could have put up at least a buck forty on that defense if my number was called. Of course, my number wasn't called, because my 40 time is an embarrassment, but you get the point.
1. David Freese
I wasn't going to post any WS players until the Series ended, but given what transpired last night I had to say f*ck that. And as much as I was hoping to put Hamilton in here for jacking the game-winning homerun, David Freese saved his theatrics for last and upstaged the Rangers' slugger. And he did it twice. First with a triple to tie last night's game in the 9th inning and then, in an act of disregard and defiance for the magnitude of the situation, he hit a walk-off homer to win it in extra-innings. I know the world is high on Albert Pujols but Tony LaRussa should suck this guy dry for taking the attention off his game-five telephone blunder and bringing this World Series to a decisive game seven.