There’s A Guy In Pennsylvania Who Likes To Break Into Houses, Jerk Off On Balconies And Steal Dogs

by 3 years ago


What’s the point of stealing animals? It’s a different matter of course if you’re stealing some rare endangered whateverthefuck to go hock at the pawn shop (do pawn shops sell animals?), but I’d imagine that your average crappy lil’ schnauzer wouldn’t go for more than $5. Pennsylvania is full of antifreeze-drinking hicks though, which would explain why an unidentified 21-year-old burglar was reportedly caught after breaking into a woman’s apartment, jerking off while standing on her balcony and then stealing her dog. I’m not quite sure I understand the logic here, since I’m sure literally anything else in her apartment was probably worth more than the dog, but hey. Antifreeze kills braincells.

An unidentified 21-year-old burglar is in critical condition at a hospital Bensalem, Penn. after allegedly breaking into a woman’s apartment and masturbating on her balcony. He was shot twice while reportedly trying to rob another apartment.

According to police, the bandit climbed onto the balcony of a second-floor apartment Sunday night. “He was touching himself inappropriately on the second-floor balcony when he was confronted by the female,” Bensalem Police director of public safety Fred Harran told NBC Philadelphia.

Via Gawker

Once the 21-year-old realized he’d been seen by police, he broke a window in order to gain entry into the apartment, nabbed the dog and ran away…except then he got shot by another resident in the building while trying to steal from a first floor apartment.

Moral of the story? Quit while you’re ahead.

[H/T New York Daily News, header image via Shutterstock]

TAGSburglarydumb crimeMasturbating

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