6 Times Chicks Broke The Law Using Breast Milk

by 3 years ago

Breast milk, for most of us, is the first food to sustain us once we entered this mortal coil. It fattened us. It sated us. It filled our empty bellies with warmth and peace in the simplest ways our virgin minds could imagine.

Now we drink milk from a cow’s teat instead of a woman’s. Is this good? Is this bad? Who knows? What I do know is that sometimes the beauty of breast milk can be used for evil. Or, rather, perceived evil. Here are six times people have broken the law with the help of milk from a human tit-tayyyyy.

For robbing the drug store

On an unfortunate afternoon in Germany a busty woman walked up to the front desk of the pharmacy with a breast milk pump. As one of the two employees behind the counter started to give her change, she whipped out a titty and squirted them both in the face with breast milk. Then she robbed the till and ran off.

They have not found her yet, but if a massive titty squirted breast milk in my face in the middle of a previously uneventful afternoon I wouldn’t even remember my own name.

Fuck da’ police

Stephanie Robinette was just an anonymous big-titty-blonde until she went to a wedding and got drunk. Then she became the big-titty-blonde that started a fight, locked herself in her car and squirted police with titty nectar while they tried to extract her. Classy broad, that one. Check out her pics though. She’s kinda hot. I’d risk my 401k on that one right there.

Replacing the office milk supply (NSFW)

Not for children

In by far the most fucked up story on this list, a mother killed her daughter with a lethal dose of morphine the girl got from her mother’s breast milk. Mama got 20 years as a minimum sentence which is odd considering the evidence of the story says she poisoned the kid on purpose. This is depressing. Fuck this story. Moving on…

No, ma’am. It could be a bomb.

In Phoenix, Arizona, Stacey Armato was stopped by TSA because they wouldn’t allow her to take her breast milk on the plane. Apparently, they have a breast milk protocol at TSA (who knew??) that allows for the fluid to be examined without it being x-rayed, something Armato refused to allow. TSA, allegedly, refused the alternative protocol and just made her stand and wait until police came and had her milk examined sans x-ray. Armato sued and extracted an undisclosed sum directly from the center of the TSA butthole. Lesson learned from this? TSA still sucks.

Ice cream? Seriously.

Matt O’Connor from The Icecreamists made an ice cream called ‘Baby Gaga’ that was prepared with human breast milk. His local government was not a fan so they banned it until they could test it for impurities. Matt, way ahead of them, was pasteurizing the milk before he used it and ensured them that Baby Gaga was safe. Eventually they capitulated and, today, you can get honker sauce ice cream at The Icecreamists in England. Last heard, this was, easily, the only food in England actually worth eating.

TAGSCrimeweird crimes

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