Bulky Bro Loses Fantasy Football League And Has To Re-Create ESPN The Body Issue

Haters will say it’s photoshopped. But the rest of us will just wallow in the beauty that is the body of a man who hasn’t seen the inside of a gym in a decade and who pounds a bag of Totino’s pizza rolls for breakfast. This dude just shattered the stereotype that in order to be on The Body Issue your athletic record needs to say more than a senior on JV baseball. Or you need to absorb one UV ray from the sun to be considered a candidate to drop trou and get your picture taken. Breaking down body norms and pizza boxes like the trail blazer he is. Not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need. Brave.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.