I’m Gay But Just Started Dating A Woman, What Do I Do Now? Is It A Waste Of Time To Go After My Ex’s Friends?

by 4 years ago
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Q: So I am interested in going after my ex girlfriends good friend. My ex and I broke up a little less than a year ago and things have been kind of awkward between us ever since, however I was always a good guy/boyfriend through the breakup and I know her friends still like me. I broke up with her after I found out she was cheating and her friends basically understood completely when I ended it. My question is should I even attempt it or would I be wasting my time and if so how should I go about it? We are both in Greek life and juniors.

A: Well is this girl a piece of shit friend? Because if she is then your chances are good, assuming she’s into you and all that jazz. But if she’s NOT a piece of shit…yeah you’ll be wasting your time. Any girl knows that her friends’ ex-boyfriends are completely out of bounds when it comes to dating/hookups, and only the worst of friends will cross that line.

You’re better off going after someone else, honestly. If you try to shnag this girl it’ll just start a whole lotta drama in her little group of friends and you’ll inevitably get dragged into it as well. Girl drama sucks; it’s all cattiness and stupid insults that have no weight whatsoever (“Omg she ate an apple at lunch, who the fuck DOES that?”) but everyone takes seriously for some reason.

Of course, this is assuming she’ll even date/hookup with you…which she shouldn’t.

Q: I’m 20 years old and my girlfriend of almost three years broke up with me. She was everything to me, I was even thinking about marrying her but she broke it off. She says she still wants to hang out with me and my family and still cares about me a lot but won’t date me again…how do I get her back, or how do I get over her and move on?

A: Yo you needa tell this chick to BACK da FUCK up. Who the fuck dumps someone and then turns around and says “Oh and by the way I’mstill gonna hang out with you and your family because y’all are cool an’ shit” ? Tell this bitch she can either have you and your family by dating you, or she gets zilch. Nada. Nothing. Cut her out completely and burn anything that reminds you of her in your back yard. Did she gift you a puppy? That’s unfortunate, looks like you’re cremating some pets today. She bought you a car? Well, at least explosions are cool so that won’t be as traumatic as the dog.

Point is, she can either date you and get all the perks she had before (your company, family, whatever), or she can have nothing because if she doesn’t pick the first one you’re cutting all contact with her and leaving her a nice fat pile of poop on her front porch as a “FUCK YOU.” Yeah that sounds harsh, and maybe you don’t need to poop on her front steps, but the two of you are either dating or not seeing each other ever again. One or the other.

Q: I’ve been known as gay and haven’t dated a single female all my life (I’m 28). I recently got out of a long-term relationship with a guy and have been seeing a girl I know for a couple weeks. We’ve kissed, she holds my hand all the time, and we see each other everyday. She says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. What should I do? And if it gets far enough, how do I make sex pleasurable for her??

A: Wait…so you’re bisexual? Or you’re gay and just leading some poor girl on? This doesn’t even make any sense…but whatever, MOST of these questions don’t make sense in the first place anyways.

If she doesn’t want a relationship and you do, then ditch her and go find someone else. You don’t even sound that attached to her in the first place and her presence in your life sounds like it’s making you anxious (“How do I do the sex???”), so why not cut her off and just go back to dudes?

Unless you like this girl, which is fine. Just wait around for her to be ready for a relationship (it’ll happen eventually, trust me), throw a label on it and then prance off happily into the sunset. Oh, and as for the sex thing? Stick your dick a few inches lower than her butthole when you two are humpin’ around; that’s where her vagina is. Make sure to stick it there and not her butthole the first time unless you’ve discussed sticking it in her butt with her first. There’s nothing worse than getting all hot n’ bothered just to have SURPRISE! That pole just went into a hole where it doesn’t belong. And when it comes to making it feel good…just pay attention to how she’s reacting to what you’re doing and run with it. There’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to sex.

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