A Buzzer Beater is Our Bro of the Week

by 9 years ago

As March Madness consumes our nation, it is only fitting (or so I'm told) that this week's Bro of the Week be selected from a crop of the tournament's best and brightest stars. With only one day in the books, this so-called madness has already supplied us with a few strong candidates. I would almost be tempted to use words like “inspiring” or “uplifting” to describe the passion and heart displayed in the tournament thus far, but since overachieving underdogs and their final-second heroics have seemingly destroyed my bracket, I am feeling more melancholy at the moment than I am inspired.

In choosing the right bro from yesterday's crop of games I had to look past my bracket failures and analyze players, coaches, and even announcers. The early front runner was actually Bill Raftery. That isn't even a joke. If he just said, “He strokes it admirably,” “Boy can he stroke it,” or “Would you look at that penetration, Vern” a few more times he would have been a lock to win. But then Murray State came along — a team that President Obama and only about 12% of the country picked to win. Their game against Vandy was tight all the way through, and as the final seconds ticked away a little known forward named Danero Thomas got the ball, spotted up, pulled, and then prayed (like most men do). All he hit was net. At that very moment, myself and the other 88% of the country dropped our jaws — as if to say, “Murray State just shit right in my mouth” — as we watched time expire. That bracket-busting shot is why I hate Danero Thomas and that same shot is why he is our Bro of the Week.Danero is representing the little guys in the March Madness tournament; all the teams who defy the odds and make us say, “I totally knew they were going to win, I should have picked them.” Of course you didn't really think that, but you're a man so you can't concede your faults let alone the truth. These teams are why we watch the tournament as much as they are the reason why we sometimes can't bare to watch. I won't call them Cinderella stories because as far as I'm concerned comparing a group athletic of men to a helpless chick is about as derogatory as it gets (the media should honestly find a better term). But I will give them credit: they play motivated basketball while the teams who are favored often get caught up in their own arrogance and think their past successes will bring them future victories. In some cases it will but in others it won't. Picking Danero this week is our little way of tipping our hat to teams like Murray State, Ohio, Cornell, and St. Mary's for all their underdog victories. Thanks to them my bracket looks like the reminiscence of a microwaved cat but since I now have no shot at winning any money or lavish prizes, I will spend the next few days on these teams' bandwagons.

Honorable Mention: Bruce Willis: He turned 55 today. Andrew Jackson: Had he been alive, Old Hickory would have turned 243 on March 15th. Tiger Woods: Is it April 8th yet?

Dishonorable Mention: Jesse James: Gross, Jesse. Just gross…