I Caught My Roommate Watching Gay Porn, But I Thought He Was Straight? My Girl Doesn’t Spend Enough Time With Me?

by 4 years ago


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Q: I met the girl of my dreams on Tinder, but I don’t know if I’m attracted to her. What do I do?

A: How can you not tell if you’re attracted to her? You literally swiped right because you thought she was at least appealing in some sort of way, right? Like no one swipes right thinking “Hmmmm, that girl is chunkier than cottage cheese that’s been sitting in the sun for days but I bet she’s got a great personality.” That’s not how Tinder works, and if that’s how you’ve been playing the game then sorry to tell you dude, but you were basically dicking around in the corner with a hockey puck while everyone else in the world is throwing 3-pointers on the basketball court.

With that said, meet her in person and then decide. If she’s gross, run away and pretend you’re someone else, then delete her off Tinder and pretend you never matched in the first place. Mastering blatant denial and selective amnesia is one of the keys to living a happy life.

Q: Hey Rebecca. I’m a vaguely Asian-looking white dude. Or a vaguely white-looking Asian dude. I hear this is what you’re into. Can we make this happen?

A: Ayyy babyyyyy throw me a DM on Twitter and we’ll see where it goes 😉

Q: I met this woman that I completely fell in love with after sleeping with her the first night we met, but there’s a problem: we’ve seen each other about once a week since that first night and it’s leaving me really unfulfilled and I want to see her more often. After not seeing her for two weeks, and her telling me she is busy with work and all that, I didn’t know where we stood. Then we went to dinner, and ended up back at her place. We laid on the couch, and she kept making her move, which made me wonder WTF? Based off this tiny sampling of information, can you tell me why this girl constantly tells me how much she likes me, is very hands on, yet doesn’t want to spend a lot of time with me even though we get along superbly??

A: Because she’s busy you turd, AKA exactly what she already told you. Ever hear that saying that the simplest explanation is probably the right one? So…that.

You don’t want a girl who’s available 24/7 in the beginning of a relationship anyway. You won’t value the time the two of you have together since you see her all the time and you’ll get bored of each other while slowly spiraling into a deep dark hole of resentment filled with animosity and hate. Breaking up would be an easy solution, but you won’t because, well, she’s always there and why ruin something easy like that? Eventually the two of you both start spitting venom and one day everything will come to a boil. It’ll happen slowly, but then BAM! You’ll wake up Fight Club style out of your self-induced loathsome stupor to find you’re on Jerry Springer throwing tomatoes at your girl while the studio audience cheers both of you on. She’s screaming about how you don’t “love her” anymore and how you’re a “selfish piece of shit who spunks in his socks,” and you’re standing there surrounded by produce thinking “How the fuck did my life come to this?”

In other words, be happy she’s got a life outside of you.

Q: I was using my roommates computer last night when a tab was already open with a porn site. No biggie…until I realized it was a gay porn site. My roommate is perceived straight; he’s hooked up with girls but always seems uninterested when things start to get serious. Do I confront him Bro to Bro or just live my life knowing he probably wants to fuck me?

A: Just because he’s maybe gay doesn’t mean he wants to fuck you. Do you want to fuck every single girl that walks by? Hopefully not, and it’s the same with your roommate. Hell you might not even be his type for all you know.

And what is there to even confront him about? “I saw you watch gay porn” …and then what? Like where are you expecting this conversation to go? With him confessing his love for you and how he wants giant dongs in his face 24/7? Honestly it doesn’t even matter when you sit back and think about it. He does him, you do you, and from what it sounds like you seem perfectly fine with him as a roommate which means his sexuality shouldn’t really matter at the end of the day.

I think your main problem is that it’s just something that you weren’t expecting and now you’re thrown off, but really you should consider yourself lucky. He could be a Scientologist…or a Jehovah’s Witness. Or a pedophile. Or a 9/11 truther. Or Satan.

Tl;dr: it’s really not as bad as you think it is.

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