Confessions of a Strip Club Intern

by 7 years ago

Since it's summer-time, college bros have the glorious task of garnering a bullshit internship to act like they're being productive/important for a few months out of the year. I thought you guys would get a kick out of my experience this past summer, and my full-time job that came as a result of it. I bet if you guys ran a story about summer internships, you'd hear some kickass ones from your reader-base.

With some quality networking and family connections, I garnered an internship underneath the owner of the most popular strip club in Tampa Bay: Jim Kleinhans of The 2001 Odyssey. My summer consisted of running their virtual strip club, The virtual website is really just cameras broadcasting the Main Stage and Dressing Room of the club. Not brain surgery, but there's some twisted fucks out there who eat that sh*t up. One dude spent $20K one month on the site. It's like a reality TV show with back-stage access. I attached a logo. Every Thursday was promo night in which we'd hop in a limo with a handful of strippers and hit the nightclubs around town handing out cards and promoting the club. Being 20 at the time, life really didn't get better. I'd work Fri/Sat in the club, sitting in the Dressing Room and DJ Booth coordinating the web-cams and putting girls in and out of chat rooms.

The sh*t that goes on in a strip club would blow your mind. One night we came up with the idea of “Making It Rain” for online users. We wanted dollar bills to fall on the strippers' heads on the Main Stage if an online user wanted to do so. A couple days later, we hired a midget to sit up in the ceiling of the main stage and throw $1 bills randomly. People were ridiculously confused. The midget was the man. When the floor had a f*ck-ton of money on it, he'd hop down from the ceiling and sweep the $1 bills up with a broom. Class act. Long story short, we took the idea to the next level and put an ATM dispenser in the ceiling. Now you can literally Make it Rain with the click of a button on the website. I think the midget was cooler, but hey, still cool.

The highlight of my summer came when I invented the “Point of View Lapdances”. I put a camera on a tri-pod over my shoulder and got a lap dance in the back studio. You could only see my hands and legs, and the stripper would stand right in front of me (stripping). The camera would broadcast to our website, Users on the site would tell me what to do. They'd tip the screen, and jerk off at the same time. Acceptable? I don't know. But no joke, I would get 10 lap dances a night. Better yet, I was getting paid $4/minute to do it from the online users. Long story short, the website did well enough to need a full time operator. My strip club internship turned into a full time job after I graduated from UF. Tomorrow I'm going into the Bubba The Love Sponge Radio Show with a bunch of strippers to promote the site. My workday is crazy, and the stories just keep on stacking up.

Bros everywhere shouldn't give in to the corporate bullsh*t. There are so many crazy jobs out there, you just can't settle for what mom and dad want you to do. F*ck it, life's short.

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