This Craigslist Ad For A Piece Of Shit Jet Ski From 1984 Is Promising Its Next Owner Sex, Sex And More Sex

by 3 years ago
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Craigslist


Most of you reading this probably weren’t even born in 1984. But that doesn’t matter. You don’t have to be over 31-years-old to appreciate this beautiful 1984 Kawasaki. Doesn’t take age or experience to look at this thing and conclude that you need to straddle this pile of shit and you need to straddle this pile of shit right now.

Via Craigslist:

1984 Kawasaki X2 with a 18 horse outboard johnson. Sumbeech will fly. Nicknamed the honey hauler for a good reason. Float up to the beach on this bad boy and the hoes will flock. Happens to me every year. Every summer it’s the same old thing, give me a ride they say.. “I’ll take my bikini top off” they say, but it doesn’t end there. Will this 1984 saki powered by a 18hp two stroke johnson you’ll feel like breaking bad mixing the oil and gasoline. Plus that extra seat and power means you can load this baby up with all the biggest beach whales without lag… (Trust me, I know.)

This wave slammer hauls!! If the girl doesn’t take her top off, that’s okay ’cause the wind will blow it off for sure. 40 year old virgin? Girlfriend of wife cut you off at home? No problem. This is the ship for you, mate. Built in 1984 the engineers had poon magnet clearly spec’d on the buildsheet. This ain’t no fishin’ boat but it’s been hauling pink-snapper for years. This is a bachelors dream right here and you wont find a better price for this mini-yacht – one easy (reduced) payment of $350. I hate to see her go but it’s time to let some other guy take this gem down to tuna town.
This boat will make her wet guys… My loss is your gain.

2014 ‘drill-kota’ included – hand crafted by yours truly. (Made in America)

Could you imagine owning this bad boy in 1984?

/daydreams

No doubt that you’d be the cock of the walk. Staving off sexual advances from mega babes like Bridget Nelson and Meredith Baxter Birney. Occasionally, you’d succumb, because you’re a gentleman and satisfying babes is why you bought the jet ski in the first place. Then, thirty one years later, after you fucked a gaping hole into the leather seat (you see that!?!) you’d try to sell it to some young, up-and-comer looking to make a name for himself in the world. He wouldn’t buy it though, because after he took one look at it AND YOU, he’d realize you’re a goddamn weirdo who wears leather pants in 90 degree weather and your jet ski no more than scrap metal. But you’d be alright with that, because what you did in the 80s will sustain you forever.

[H/T TFM]


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