This Crazy Old Man Is Terrorizing New Yorkers On The Subway With A Gigantic Dildo

When people ask me what I hate most about living in New York City my first answer is always the subway. Some folks love seeing all the different people on their commute each day, but not me. I don’t yearn for random human interaction. I’m not into chit-chatting with strangers and making new friends. Plus, for every attractive girl you get to stare at for one stop there are 10 people who never learned how to use soap. Not to mention the assholes who are just plain WEIRD. You know the ones, they act as if no one ever told them how a human being is supposed to operate in public.

Luckily for us, one of our friends at ANIMAL NY witnessed one such asshole (the dildo wielding dude in all of the photos) the other night while riding the 2 train. After hearing his story, I’m pretty thankful it happened to him and not me.


Here’s the story, according to ANIMAL’s Aymann Ismail, who witnessed this around 9 PM on Saturday night aboard a Flatbush Avenue-bound 2 train: An older man of indeterminate ethnic origin boarded the train at Atlantic Avenue; the man seemed “fucked up on some kind of drug,” loose-limbed and sloppy. Some young men sitting next to him began making fun of him. One of the dudes took out his phone to snap a selfie with the older guy. At that point, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a massive dildo.

The young guys and other people nearby ran away, laughing. The man then started waving the big black dong around, pointing it at people and pretending to jerk it off. The man also kept standing up and clenching his butt cheeks.

Then he really got into it: Every time the train pulled into a station, he’d put the dildo away, sit quietly, let people board, then whip it out and wave it around, startling the new passengers.

When Ismail got off at Church Avenue, the man was still at it.

For more on this story — like, way more than you could possibly ever want to know about anything involving dildos that’s not related to porn — head on over to ANIMAL NY